It Should Be Me
by jacklavigne
Summary: This is the last installment of the series, sequel to I Will Be and Turning Tables. Xena has left Gabrielle once more and returned to Amphipolis where she receives a letter with heartbreaking news. Will she finally be able to fix things with Gabrielle or is she much too late?
1. Chapter 1

_Summary: This is the last installment of the series, sequel to I Will Be and Turning Tables. Xena has left Gabrielle once more and returned to Amphipolis where she receives a letter with heartbreaking news. Will she finally be able to fix things with Gabrielle or is she much too late?_

_Disclaimer: Xena, Gabrielle, Eve, Cyrene and all the other characters from Xena, The Warrior Priness don't belong to me. I'm just borrowing them for this story. I will return them once it has been finished, sadly. _

_Violence: The violence in this story will be very mild, if any at all. There are many curse words though. _

_Subtext: Subtext is maintext in this fanfiction. There will be graphic scenes of two women making love, and having sex. Along with a lot of heartbreak. If this bothers you, then you might want to stop reading this now, or you can open your mind and continue. _

_If you are under the age of eighteen, or this type of story is illegal where you live, then close stop reading now. Close the page. _

_Author's Note: This is the final installment of the series I have been writing, beginning with I Will Be then Turning Tables. These have been the most popular stories I have written so far and I've loved writing them. I am writing a conqueror story at the same time as this one so I don't know how quickly the chapters are going to be installed, but no more than a week after each. _

_Comments are very much appreciated._

_If you wish to send them to me, my email is jacklavigne13 hotmail .com_

_Enjoy the show! Or so to speak._

**It Should Be Me**

**By jacklavigne**

_I don't know what I've done, Or if I like what I've begun_

_But something told me to run, And honey, you know me, it's all or none_

_There were sounds in my head, Little voices whispering_

_That I should go and this should end_

_Oh, and I found myself listening_

_And I don't know who I am, who I am without you_

_All I know is that I should_

_And I don't know If could stand another hand upon you_

_All I know is that I should_

_Cause she will love you more than I could_

_She who dares to stand where I stood_

_Missy Higgins - Where I Stood_

**Prologue**

I made a horrible mistake and I regret it. In the space of two and a half years, I lost the two women in my life that meant the world to me. All because of one giant mistake, a moment of weakness. I gave my affections to a man instead of my lover, betraying our relationship and her. But it didn't stop there, oh no. I continued to make mistakes long after which has led me to where I am now, sitting on my front porch with a scroll being crushed to dust in my trembling hands.

The second big mistake I made after cheating on my soulmate, was letting her leave me. Not once but twice. She left me on our way home from Egypt when she couldn't stand to look at me anymore. I deserved it, I know this. I had been unfaithful to her and broken her heart, something I swore I would never do but did on more occasions that I'd care to admit. She left me to be with her people and rule the Amazon nation. To my surprise, a few moons after, she returned to me though only for a night. The ache in my heart left me as she made love to me that night, but it returned when she slipped from my room straight after. She couldn't forgive me nor could I forgive myself.

And then Alexandria came back into my life after I thought her dead. We had grown up together and she fought by my side in my army when I was a warlord. She left me after a few years, causing the darkness inside of my to rise even higher. It was completely by chance that she stopped over in Amphipolis in her travels and we met each other again. We had both changed for the better and I thought we could be together but alas that was not to be either. My third mistake was cheating on her with Gabrielle and breaking her heart. I knew then and I know now that she expected it, maybe even planned for it to happen but that doesnt change the facts. She left the village and me the next night, her heart broken beyond repair though she tried to hide it from me. I haven't seen or heard from her since.

My biggest regret is what happened after that. Gabrielle came to me as I knew she would and as we laid in my bed in her village, I felt complete. Everything came together as I held her in my arms, her heart beating in sync with mine. But I was a fool. I was scared, terrfied beyond belief of many things. I was afraid that she would end up hurting me or worse, that I would end up hurting her again. I had cheated on her and then cheated to be with her even after I promised myself that I would change. What if I couldn't change? Once a cheater, always a cheater they say. I made a desicion then, the wrong one I know now.

I left her that night as she slept with an adorable smile on her face. I packed my things and took my daughter with me back to Amphipolis. I had foolishly hoped that maybe if we spent some time apart, we could work out some things on our own before we came back together. Apparently, I took too long.

I read the scroll that I held in my hands once more as a tear leaked from the corner of my eye. I should have known this would happen, should have seen it coming, but I didn't. It was an invitation from the Queen of the Amazons, written in the perfect handwriting that I knew so well.

_Dearest friends and family,_

_I am pleased to tell you that I am to be married on the night of Summer Solstice._

_My consort, Miranda and I would like to invite you to attend our joining ceremony in the Amazon village. _

_I hope to see you all there._

_Queen Gabrielle_

I bit my lip until I tasted blood as I slowly started to rip the parchment into tiny pieces, letting it drift from my fingers and onto the ground. Part of me wanted to go but I knew that I couldn't. It would destroy me beyond repair to see her marry another. I know she only sent me an invite in hopes that I would bring our daughter to her wedding. I would send Eve with my mother who was also invited and I will stay home and drink until I can't remember why I feel so broken inside. My heart was broken. Gabrielle is getting married to someone else.

It should be me but I made a mistake. I've made so many mistakes.


	2. Chapter 2

_Authors Note: Howdy! I've gotten so many comments and emails from you guys that I decided to update this story a lot faster than I had planned! I just wanted to tell anyone who has read any of my other stories that yes, the start of this story sounds a lot like my story, Mission Complete. I actually wrote that story when I started working out this one. I assure you though, it will be completely different. If you want to send me an email about this story, my email is jacklavigne13 hotmail .com_

_Thanks!_

**It Should Be Me**

**Chapter One**

I've never been much of a drinker. Every now and then I like to go to my mother's inn and have a port, but never enough to dull my razor sharp senses. It's too dangerous for someone like me. There are so many who after all my years of good deeds, still want to remove my head from my shoulders for my past. I can't let that happen, no matter how inviting it sounds lately. I have a daughter that needs me and innocent people to protect. Besides, who else would fix my mother's roof every year before winter?

I rolled onto my back with a groan, my head throbbing and my stomach clenching convulsively as I laid there in my self pity. I regretted the several wineskins I had downed last night after Eve had fallen asleep. It had been almost a moon since I'd received Gabrielle's invitation to her wedding and while I had tried to ignore the pain for as long as possible, last night it crept up on me. One moment I had been tucking my daughter into bed, singing her a lullaby and the next, I was outside my house, stumbling through my garden and cursing the God's. I whimpered softly as I heard my front door open and close. I'd rather die right now than face the visitor in my house.

_What the fuck!?_

The sound of my bedroom door slamming into the wall sent pain radiating through my skull. Everything hurt at the noise, even my hair hurt. I raised my arms and covered my eyes to shield myself from the bright light pouring through my bedroom window as it was roughly pulled open. I squinted against the light and tried to look up at the intruder that had barged into my bedroom. I thought it might be my mother, checking on me to make sure I hadn't fallen upon my sword. She had also received an invitation from Gabrielle to her wedding and she had actually cried for me when she read it. It had touched my heart deeply.

"Are you kidding me, Xena? Seriously?!"

By the Gods, I know that voice. I would recognise it anywhere. I squinted at the sunlight burning my eyes and looked up at the up at the women standing in front of me. She had her muscular arms crossed over her chest and her midnight blue eyes glared down at me angrily.

"Alexandria?" I whispered, daring not to believe she was there. Maybe I was still a bit drunk and this was all a hallucination. She looked exactly the same since I'd last seen her except for her hair. It was longer, now just reaching her broad shoulders.

"I'm going to kick your ass, Warrior Princess," she growled as she reached down and pulled me from my comfortable bed. She looked down at me, tsking in disgust at my appearance. I must have looked a mess. I certainly felt like one.

"What are you doing here?" I managed to finally mumble after getting over my surprise.

"I came here to see the truth with my own two eyes," Alexandria said as she ran her fingers through my disheveled hair. "I honestly can't believe this. After everything I did, all the pain I put myself through and for what? Nothing. Absolutely nothing."

"Alexandria," I sighed as I looked up at her. Gods, even though she was angry with me, I was still so happy to see her. "What in Hades name are you talking about?"

"Gabrielle, of course!" She cried, throwing her hands up into the air. I winced and averted my eyes as she continued her rant. "I was actually happy when I received that invitation from her. Until I got to the third line! I thought all my hard work had paid off and you two finally worked things out. I thought I was going to be attending your gods be damned wedding. But no! No, she's marrying that stupid look a like instead. Seriously Xena, what the fuck happened after I left?"

I felt the tears welling up in my eyes once more as I looked up at her sadly. I didn't think I had anymore tears left to shed after last night, but I was being proved wrong. Her anger seemed to disappear as she looked down at me, reaching out to gently brush my cheek with her fingers.

"What happened, Xena?" She repeated, much more softly this time.

Through my tears I started to explain everything that happened after Alexandria left the Amazon village. She stayed silent during the story and when it ended, she sat down beside me and rested a comforting hand on the middle of my back, stroking it soothingly.

"I should have stayed," I whispered through my tears as I turned to look into her sympathetic eyes. "I should have stayed. Why did I leave?"

"You were confused, Xe," Alexandria replied with a sigh. "Everything was moving so quickly and you lost control of the situation. You did what any normal person would do. You bolted."

"And now, Gabrielle is getting married," I mumbled miserably.

"Yes, she's getting married. To whom is the question."

"What in Hades name are you talking about?" I asked with a furrowed brow. Alexandria said nothing as she continued to stare out the window with a thoughtful expression on her face. She seemed to be lost in her thoughts and I wondered if she knew that she was still rubbing my back.

"Well," she said after several minutes of silence. "You better start packing. It's only one moon until the Summer Solstice."

"What? No!" I cried, standing up to walk away from my old friend. "Alexandria, I'm not going. I can't watch her marry someone else, it'll break my heart."

"Xena, you owe it to her and to yourself. Before everything, before you were lovers or soulmates, Gabrielle was your bestfriend. As her bestfriend, you need to go to this wedding. And maybe, you need the closure as well. You need to be there to see that it's really over so that you can move on."

"Maybe I don't want to move on," I whispered softly as I looked out the window.

"Then tell her that when we get there," Alexandria said as she stood up from the edge of the bed. She brushed imaginary dust from her leather pants before picking up the bag she'd dropped at the door. "Pack your things. Make sure you have something nice for the wedding. I'll go wake up Evie and get her ready. Meet you on the porch in a candlemark."

I watched her leave my room with a raised eyebrow. She had always been confident, but when did she get so pushy? I sighed as I pulled my saddlebags from the chest at the end of my bed. Better do as she says without making a scene, otherwise she'll probably just tie me to Argo's back. And with the headache I had now, I really didn't want it to come down to that.

"Off to Amazonia we go," I muttered as I threw my clothes into my bag.


	3. Chapter 3

**It Should Be Me**

**Chapter Two**

Here we are again, on the road that would lead us back to the Amazon village. After packing our things, we had gone to my mother's tavern and stayed there for a few days until she was ready to leave. She had hired help to look after the tavern while she was gone so she could accompany us. Alexandria and I hardly spoke though I desperately wanted to. She avoided me most of the time and would only be around me so she could be near Eve. She had missed the child that had become like a daughter to her. It was no better once we were back on the road, though she did have less places to hide which is how I found her tonight after we had stopped for the day to set up camp.

It had been almost half a moon since she had barged into my bedroom and back into my life. We were now only a days ride from the Amazon village and I wanted to speak to her before we got there. Once we had everything set up, I watched as Alexandria quietly snuck away from camp, making some excuse as she wandered into the forest that surrounded us. I made sure that my mother was fine with Eve before following her into the darkness. It was hard to track her as her steps were so light that there was almost no evidence of her at all. A few flattened blades of grass and a broken twig was all I could find. I heard the sound of rushing water and followed it, hoping that Alexandria was heading in the same direction.

I walked into the clearing to find Alexandria seated on the bank of a river. She had her feet in the water and seemed to be deep in thought, though not deep enough to not notice my arrival. She turned to me with a raised eyebrow as she leaned back on her elbows. "Stalking me?"

"I like a challenge," I shrugged with a small grin as I sat down beside her. "You don't make it easy. You were very hard to find."

"Well, that was the plan," she muttered as she gazed into the water. There was silence for a few moments and I cherished just being able to sit with my old friend. She caught me gazing at her and raised her eyebrow once more. "What can I do for you, Xena?"

"I just wanted to talk to you, actually," I found myself getting nervous as I sat beside my ex lover. What could I possibly say to her? I'm sorry? This woman had trusted me with her heart and I had ripped it to shreds. I didn't seem like anything I'd say would be enough. Thankfully, Alexandria saved me from saying anything.

"Xena," she sighed softly as she turned to face me fully. "We don't have to do this, really. I understand. You and I weren't meant to be and it's really that simple. I should have let you go sooner. If I had, maybe we wouldn't be in this mess. Maybe it would be your wedding I was going to. Let's just leave the past in the past, okay?"

We gazed at each other in silence and a part of me still wanted to say more, but my throat was too tight with emotion so I nodded. She gave me a small smile before turning back to the river and splashing her feet a little bit. "So, what's the plan, Xe?"

"Plan?"

"Yeah, you know," She shrugged with a thoughtful expression on her face. "What are you going to do when we get to the Amazon village? How are you gonna get the girl?"

I sighed as I lay back on the soft grass, putting my hands behind my head as I gazed up at the sky. The sun was setting and I knew that by this time tomorrow we would be in Amazon territory. I hadn't really thought about what I would do when we got there. I didn't know if I could stand being around Gabrielle while she planned her wedding. I shrugged as Alexandria turned to look at me with questioning eyes.

"I thought as much," she muttered with a small smile. She cocked her head for a moment before grinning mischievously at me. "Seems as though we are both being stalked now."

I nodded and didn't bother moving as I listened to the rustling of leaves. It only took a few moments before several women dropped from the trees surrounding the small river. I turned my head and caught sight of an old friend and felt a little better about visiting the Amazons. "Hello Eponin."

"Hey guys," Eponin grinned as she sauntered towards us happily. "Didn't expect to find you two here."

"Didn't expect to be here," I mumbled to myself, wincing as Alexandria punched my thigh. I winked playfully at her before returning my attention to the Amazon Weapons Master. "What are you doing out here, Ep?"

"We," she gestured to the rest of the women around her. "Were sent out to escort the Queen's friends and family into the village. I didn't think you would be coming though, to be honest. But I'm glad you're here, Xena."

"Oh?" Alexandria questioned the Amazon with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, I was secretly hoping you'd come to stop this stupid wedding. I don't know what the Queen was thinking when she accepted Miranda's proposal," Eponin shook her head with dismay as she sat down beside us. "Those two are not suited for one another. They fight so often and so furiously that half of us are scared they'll kill each other."

"Well, that should make things easier," Alexandria winked at me and I suppressed a smile as I breathed a silent sigh of relief. If Gabrielle and her partner weren't happy then I didn't have to feel so bad about showing up to their wedding with the purpose of stopping it.

If I could just get Gabrielle alone for a little while and talk to her, then maybe she would change her mind. Hopefully, she would realize what we've both been too stubborn to accept. I smiled to myself as I listened to Alexandria and Eponin talk. I had hope for the first time since we set out on our journey; hope that it could still be me. Hope that I could still be the one for Gabrielle.

The sun was setting as our group rode down the trail leading to the Amazon village. It would be less than half a candlemark before we made our entrance. I had stayed up last night thinking and making plans and had finally come to a decision about what I would do. I pulled Argo to a stop and waiting for everyone around me to slow before speaking.

"I think I'll leave you here," I said as my companion's all stared back in me in confusion. The only one who didn't seem the slightest bit surprised was Alexandria who was smiling knowingly. She had a look in her eyes which said 'I know what you're doing and I love it.'

"You're not coming to the wedding?" Eponin asked in disbelief, her eyes wide. "But, I thought..."

"I'm coming to the wedding," I reassured my friend with a small smile.

"She's just not coming into the village," Alexandria finished for me with a smirk.

"Why, Xena?" My mother asked with a frown.

"I don't want to make things awkward for Gabrielle," I shrugged, only half lying. "It'll be easier for everyone if I just camp in the forest. I'll make sure I come in a visit."

Everyone seemed to relax with that information and said goodbye to me after making me promise to visit the village the next evening for dinner. Alexandria hung back with a grin.

"Seeing if she'll come to you first. I have to admit, Xena, i've always loved your style."


	4. Chapter 4

_Authors Note: Hey, this chapter is written in Gabrielle's POV. I'm happy about all the emails and comments I've been getting for this story and I'm glad you guys like it so far. If you want to email me, my email is jacklavigne13 hotmail .com_

_Thanks!_

**It Should Be Me**

**Chapter Three**

I felt like I was going to explode. I was exhausted both mentally and physically after the past several weeks of preparations for my wedding. I came close so many times to just calling the whole thing off. Everyone wanted a piece of me, to know what I thought about some stupid detail. The thing is, I truly couldn't care less about any of it. All these thoughts of flowers, seating arrangements and writing my own vows was making me second guess everything. What was I doing? Did I really want to marry Miranda? To be honest, I hardly even know the woman. We fight all the time and since she proposed to me, we've only been fighting more. I know she loves me and I care for her dearly, but I don't know if I can do this.

So many different thoughts went through my head when she asked me marry her. It felt like she was on her knee in front of me for hours, when it was only a minute or so. I couldn't believe it. I remember wondering what my friends and family would think of me marrying this woman. None of them had met her or even heard about her. How would she be as a wife? How would I be as a wife? Did I even want to get married? And then last but not least, what would Xena think?

I think that's what pushed me to say yes, and now I'm regretting it. A part of me wanted to hurt Xena with this and I didn't think it through. Now, it seemed that it was hurting me most of all. I'd made another mistake because of my broken heart. And then I did something even more stupid.

I invited Xena to the wedding.

I really don't know what I was thinking when I sent her that invitation. I didn't think she would come and yet here I am, hoping she will ride through those gates to free me from this prison I've put myself in. I was told half a candlemark ago that more guests were on their way into the village. So many had actually shown up already. My family was here along with Hercules and Iolous and several other friends I had met in my travelling. I wondered if Xena would come. I know she would send Eve to my wedding, but would she be able to watch me marry someone else? Was this whole thing hurting her as much as it was hurting me? Did her heart break like mine did when she left me here? Did she regret it?

My thoughts were cut off by the sound of the gates opening to accept our new arrivals. I felt my heart leap into my chest as I caught sight of Cyrene. I had missed her so much. She was like a mother to me. Behind her, I was more than surprised to see Alexandria, looking more beautiful than ever. I spied my daughter sitting in front of her, a strong arm wrapped around her waist. They all smiled at me brightly as I walked towards them in what felt like slow motion. My eyes were on the entrance, waiting for her. I was always waiting for her.

My heart fell as the Amazon's closed the gates behind the small party. Xena wasn't coming. I should have known that she wouldn't be able to stand the thought of me marrying someone else. Why would she come to my wedding? There is no way in Hell I'd ever be able to watch her marry someone else. My heart broken, I walked to my friends to greet them.

"Momma!" I was shocked when Eve called me her mother and even more shocked when she threw herself at me. I didn't know that she thought of me like a mother and I wondered what Xena had said to her to make her start. It didn't matter. My heart swelled with love for my daughter and I held her tightly.

"Hey baby," I grinned, pulling back to look into her eyes, so much like her mother's. She'd grown even more in the moons since I'd seen her last and she looked beautiful. "It's good to see you."

With Eve resting on my hip, I turned to Cyrene who looked at me happily. She wrapped me up in a tight hug and told me how much she had missed me. Tears came to my eyes when she told me that she was happy for me, despite everything. If only she knew how I really felt.

I gave Eve to her grandmother as I turned to face the last guest. I didn't know what to expect from Alexandria and I wondered why she was here. This couldn't be easy for her either. I stood in front of her and smiled weakly and was surprised when she smiled back. Even more surprised when she pulled me into her arms.

"I didn't think you would come," I muttered honestly as I wrapped my arms around her. I had come to care greatly for this woman who had broken her own heart by trying to give Xena and I another chance.

"I wouldn't miss this for anything."

I pulled back finally and caught a glimpse of mischief in her eyes and frowned. She grinned as she leant towards me to whisper in my ear. "I thought you might like to know that Xena is camped out in the forest, not far from here. She came for you."

She pulled back and I looked up at her with wide eyes, fighting against the large smile that wanted to take over my face. She came for me. It didn't really change anything but just knowing that she was here for me made everything better.

By the Gods, she came for me.


	5. Chapter 5

**It Should Be Me**

**Chapter Four**

I set up camp not far from the Amazon village, in a small but beautiful clearing. My mind was racing with thoughts of Gabrielle. I couldn't help but wonder how she was reacting to my being here. I knew that Alexandria would have told her that I'd camped outside the nation, not wanting to complicate things for my ex lover while also giving her the opportunity to find me if she wanted to talk to me privately. Was she happy that I had come? Or was she angry that I dared to show my face at her wedding? Did she want to see me or would she prefer that I keep my distance? Part of me wanted to run into the village and sweep her off her feet, but instead I hid in the dark forest, waiting until it was time for the Amazon's to start serving dinner.

I sat by my camp fire, staring into the flames for hours just thinking. It wasn't until the sun had almost completely descended before I heard someone making their way towards my camp. It could have been a large number of different people, knowing that the Amazon's were brilliant trackers and could easily follow my trail. But secretly I hoped that Gabrielle had decided to seek me out.

When the footsteps got closer, I knew immediately who it was. They were making noise deliberetly, letting me know they were coming but the step was too light still to be anyone else but Alexandria. I turned my head to watch as she finally stepped into the clearing, smiling happily when she saw me. I returned her smile, happy to see her even if I had been hoping to see someone else.

"Even though I love this plan of yours, Xe, you should have stayed in the village," Alexandria grinned as she sat down on the ground beside me. "Those Amazon beds are just _so_ comfortable."

I laughed at my friend's words, remembering the arguement we had when we last visited the Amazon village. It wasn't one of my happier memories, but we were past that now. I was happy that Alexandria had been able to forgive me after everything I put her through. And even more grateful for what she tried to do for me, and what she was doing for me now.

"Is it time for dinner then?" I asked Alexandria.

"It is," she nodded, turning to face me. She had an encouraging smile on her face, knowing that despite my confident mask, inside my stomach was twisting with nerves.

"How is she?" I asked softly, half dreading and half excited for the answer.

"Gabrielle is Gabrielle," Alexandria replied, her voice equally soft. "On the outside, she looks completely calm. But on the inside, i'm pretty sure she's a complete mess. She smiled when I told her that you were out here."

"Did she now?" I couldn't help but grin at the thought of Gabrielle being happy to see me.

"For about a millisecond, yes," Alexandria's grin mirrored mine, with a little bit of mischief. "But it was definetly there."

I laughed as I scooped up a large handful of dirt and quickly extinguished my camp fire. Alexandria stood up and I took the hand she offered as she pulled me up too. We stared into each others eyes for several moments, silently conversing with one another. She squeezed my hand gently and gave me another encouraging smile before turning around and walking back into the forest, pulling me behind her.

The trip to the Amazon village was a silent one, both of us lost in our own thoughts. Every now and then, Alexandria would squeeze my hand which she still held tightly in her own and I would smile at her gratefully. I was so thankful that she was there for me and I sent a quick thanks to whichever God had sent me such a good friend.

It wasn't long before we were at the village gates and I was nodding towards the Amazon's on guard. They must have known that I was here because none of them looked surprised to see me. The village was quite empty when we entered and I guessed that everyone was in the dining hall so we walked in that direction. My breathing became more eratic with every step as we got closer and closer to the place where the woman I loved more than life itself was eating her dinner.

_With her new wife to be, _I thought to myself sadly. Alexandria must have sensed my sudden mood change because she looked at me curiously as we finally stopped outside the doors to the dining hall.

"You ready?" She asked me softly, giving my hand another firm squeeze.

"As ready as i'll ever be."

She nodded and started to pull her hand away but I held onto it tightly. She gave me a look but seemed to understand as she turned towards the doors and pushed them open and we quickly stepped inside. The noise stopped almost immediately when we entered, but with a quick glare from Alexandria and myself, the chatter slowly started up once more. My eyes scanned the room and I recognised many faces from my years of travelling and my stays in the Amazon village.

It only took seconds for my eyes to meet hers and I swear my heart stopped. She was staring right at me, nodding absently to the woman speaking to her from across the table. Her eyes held so much as emotion as we stared at each other and I could do nothing but give her a weak smile and a small shrug. My gaze drifted to the woman besides her who was also staring at me, but her eyes held much more anger than those of my ex lover's. I recognised her instantly and I knew that she was Miranda, Gabrielle's consort.

My menacing glare was cut short as I felt Alexandria tug on my arm as she started to pull me towards a table. I looked towards Gabrielle once more but found that she was now deep in conversation with her lover and it broke my heart. I could see from just a quick glance that they weren't having a happy conversation. Gabrielle's forehead was creased with a frown and her hands were clenched on the table as she spoke to her partner and it took everything I had not to go over there and wrap my hands around Miranda's neck.

Once more I was pulled from my thoughts as I was pushed down into a seat. I smiled at Alexandria who sat down besides me before looking around the large table I had been seated at. I found myself surrounded by familiar faces and I couldn't help it when my smile widened. On the other side of me was my mother and my daughter, who were both already eating happily and around the rest of the table were many of my friends. The rest of the table consisted of Eponin, Solari, Hercules, Iolous, Autolycus, Joxer, Meg, Minya, Amarice, Tara, Meleager, Princess Diana and her husband and child.

I greeted everyone, exhanging pleasantries as Alexandria served us both up some food. She had already been introduced to the people she hadn't already met and they all seemed to like her immensly. She put my plate down in front of my as she spoke to Joxer and Meg, her other hand resting on my forearm as she talked. I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye and smiled at how we always fell naturally into acting like a married couple despite the truth. I wondered for a moment if anyone else noticed but decided I didn't really care. They could all think what they wanted.

I ate my food happily, listening to my daughter rambling about her day in the Amazon village enthusiastically. I could feel eyes on my back but I resisted turning around. I couldn't be sure if it was Gabrielle looking at me or her partner and I didn't want to risk it. My mood was much to good to have it ruined by the woman sleeping with my soulmate.

Dinner passed quickly and I was surprised at how tired I actually was. With my belly full, I watched as my friends left the table and returned to their huts, one by one. Soon, it was only Alexandria and I left as my mother had taken my sleepy daughter to bed moments before, both of them tired after the week of travelling. We sat at the table quietly, both of us nursing a mug of port and sensing the eyes that were watching us. The room was fairly empty now with only a few Amazon's left but I knew Gabrielle was still there. I could feel her.

"How long do you think it will take?" Alexandria asked softly as she stared into her mug.

"I'm not sure," I mused, closing my eyes as I leant back in my chair. I knew exactly what she was waiting for, for I had been waiting for it since I had entered the room. "Maybe I should just return to my camp for the night."

"Without even saying hello?" Alexandria said as she turned towards me, her eyes questioning. "Wouldn't that be rude? I mean, you are in her village, for her wedding. You should at least go and say hello."

I sighed softly, staring into the midnight blue eyes of my friend. "Obviously she isn't interested in me being here, Alex. If Gabrielle wanted to speak to me or see me, even just to say hello, she would j-"

I cut off my sentence as we heard footsteps coming towards us. Alexandria glanced quickly over her shoulder before turning back to the table, a small grin tugging at her lips.

"Xena."

My heart was pounding painfully in my chest, searching for an escape as I slowly turned around in my seat to face my ex lover. She was looking down at me emotionlessly with her arms crossed over her chest and she was breathtaking. I swallowed, my hand gripping my mug of port tightly as I forced a smile onto my face.

"Hello, Gabrielle," I managed to say quite calmly and I saw Alexandria give an approving nod from the corner of my eye. "It's nice to see you. You look good."

"Yes. Nice," Gabrielle muttered, her eyes darting between Alexandria and I. Alexandria seemed to take the hint as she looked up from her drink before standing up so fast that her chair almost fell over.

"Well, it's been a big week," Alexandria said as she stretched, her arms reaching high over her head. "It's been a wonderful day, Gabrielle, thank you. Xena, you know where I am."

I barely had time to nod before Alexandria quickly walked away and darted out of the dining hall. I slowly looked back up into Gabrielle's eyes, which had lost most of their indifference and were now filled with emotion.

"I didn't think you would come," she said to me softly, her eyes staring into mine. I wanted desperately to pull her into my arms and tell her I'd never leave if she'd have me, but I stopped myself.

"I didn't have much of a choice," I smiled, my eyes glancing towards the door before back to Gabrielle. She seemed to understand and returned my smile and a small nod of her head. There was several moments of silence as we just gazed at one another before I decided it was time to leave before the silence became awkward.

"Well," I said, standing up slowly. "It's been a long week and I think I'll return to camp for the night."

"You don't have to do that, you know," she said quickly, her hand reaching out to touch my forearm. "I know this is... weird, but you can stay in the village. I don't mind, really."

I smiled at her, slightly surprised at her offer but I then realised that this was Gabrielle I was talking to. She was always so kind, despite the pain people put her through. I rested my hand over hers for a moment before removing it and shaking my head.

"I think it would be better if I just stayed outside the village," I said and we both knew it was the truth.

"Well, if you need anything..."

"I know," I grinned at her and she smiled back. We stared at each other for another moment before I shook my head again, and stepped towards the door.

"Goodnight, Gabrielle."

"Goodnight, Xena."


	6. Chapter 6

**It Should Be Me**

**Chapter Five**

I was sitting in the dining hut, trying to ignore Miranda's hand that was caressing my thigh under the table when the room fell silent. I looked up from my conversation with Amari, our village healer and instantly found out why everyone had gone so quiet. Xena was standing in the doorway with Alexandria by her side, their hands clasped together tightly between them. They were definetely a sight as they stood there together, two of the most beautiful women I have ever laid eyes upon. I watched as they glared menacingly around the room until everyone returned back to their conversations and their meals.

I continued to watch her, nodding absently towards Amari as she continued to talk about the few patients we had in the healers hut. I wanted to look away but Xena looked so beautiful that I couldn't tear my eyes from her. She had traded her leather battle dress from a pair of tight black leather pants and a black silk shirt. It looked more like she had come to my village for a funeral than for my wedding, but I had to admit she did look stunning. Our eyes met and her pale blue orbs were full of so much emotion that it sent shivers up my spine. Gods, I wanted to smile at her, to let her know that she was more than welcome to be here, but I could only stare at her with my mouth hanging slightly open.

I was pulled from my private thoughts when I felt Miranda's hand squeeze my thigh tightly, causing me to flinch with pain. "Ow!"

"Can you please, for one second, not stare at her like you want to fuck her on the table in front of me," Miranda whispered fiercly into my ear, her dull blue eyes flashing with anger.

"Excuse me?" I replied, pushing her hand from my thigh as I straightened in my seat, embaressed at being caught. I wanted to glance back towards Xena, to see if she was still watching me, but I didn't dare try while I was captured in Miranda's rage filled gaze.

"From the second she entered, you couldn't stop looking at her," Miranda muttered, running her fingers through her dark brown hair in frustration. "We're getting married in just over a week, Gabrielle. Can you pretend for a moment that actually want to marry me?"

I was left speechless as I stared at my consort, my brow furrowed as my hands gripped the table so tightly that my knuckles were white. I couldn't say anything because I was scared if I opened my mouth, I would speak the truth.

_I don't want to marry you! _

I looked down at my full plate and found that my appetite had deserted me. It wasn't that I wanted to marry Xena instead; I just didn't want to marry Miranda. I could never do anything right by her lately, and her moods swings were out of control. I had found myself honestly scared for my life several times in the past few weeks as our wedding got closer and closer. She would have fits of rage, smashing anything and everything that she could get her hands on in our hut. And then moments later, she would be on her knees in front of me, telling me that she was sorry and how much she loved me.

"I think I'm going to turn in early," Miranda said softly, leaning over to press a kiss to my temple. "Will I see you later?"

I could only nod as she stood up from the table, her hand squeezing my shoulder gently before she departed. I watched her leave, her shoulders slumped in defeat and I was overcome with guilt. Maybe I should just call off the wedding now to save us both the pain. I knew that she loved me, but deep down, I don't think she wanted to marry me either. We had both tried so hard to make this work, so quickly after we had both came out of serious relationships, but it was a losing battle.

We weren't meant to be together.

I could feel the stares from my friends around me, but I ignored them. I knew they were only concerned for me but there was nothing they could do. I had made my bed and now I had to lie in it, besides a woman that I know I will never truly love.

With a sigh, I looked up from the table that I had been studying and let my gaze drift around the room until I found her again. She was sitting at the table where I had put all the friends we had met in our travels and she looked happy. She was talking animatedly to our daughter and I couldn't help but grin as I watched them. I wanted desperately for her to turn around and look at me, just so I could stare into her eyes and find peace like I always did when I looked into her baby blues, but she didn't. I contented myself with just watching her instead, finding myself calm more and more with every smile that she gave Eve.

I hardly noticed when people started to leave, so focused on watching my ex lover. It wasn't until Amari reached across the table to squeeze my hand that I realised that almost everyone was gone.

"My Queen, will you be alright tonight?" The healer asked me, geniune concern in her dark brown eyes.

"I'll be fine," I reassured her, squeezing her hand. She nodded and we said our goodnights before I finally returned my attention to Xena.

Everyone had left her table and now it was just her and Alexandria. I could see them talking quietly, Alexandria's hand resting on Xena's forearm like it had been all night. I felt a small burst of jealousy as I watched them, wondering if they were back together. They had been close all night and it was quite possible that Alexandria had returned to Xena in the past few months, but I could feel in my heart that she hadn't. She had a look in her eye when she greeted me this afternoon that told me the truth. They were just friends.

Or is that just what I wanted to see in her eyes?

I gathered my courage and stood up from the empty table before making my way over to them. I smiled slightly as Alexandria turned in her seat and caught my eye, and she returned my grin before turning back to the table, removing her hand from Xena's arm.

"Xena," I said softly when I finally reached them, watching as my ex lover's body tensed for a moment before she finally turned to face me, a small smile on her face.

"Hello, Gabrielle. It's nice to see you. You look good."

She spoke calmly and I wondered how she could feel so at ease when I felt like I was about to explode. My heart was racing in my chest as I glanced between her and Alexandria before our eyes locked. "Yes. Nice."

Alexandria seemed to realise that this was her cue to leave because she slammed her half full mug down on the table and stood up quickly. Her chair would have toppled over if it hadn't been for Xena's fast reflexs. "Well, it's be a big week! Gabrielle, it's been wonderful day and Xena, you know where I am."

I watched as Alexandria gave Xena a meaningful look before she turned to smile at me encouragingly. I gave her a small smile of my own and then she was gone, rushing out of the hut as quickly as possible. I turned back to Xena and my expression softened as I looked down at her, her pale blue eyes shining up at me.

"I didn't think you would come," I whispered, my voice thick with emotion.

"I didn't have much of a choice," she replied with a lop sided smile as her eyes darted to the door that Alexandria had just left through. I breathed a sigh of relief as I finally understood Alexandria's reason for coming. She didn't come _with _Xena; she had brought Xena here. Once again, I felt thankful that women like Alexandria existed.

"Well," Xena said as she stood up, resting her mug on the table. "It's been a long week and I think I'll return to camp."

I felt my heart jump into my throat at her words, not wanting her to leave. Without thinking, my hand reached out to touch her arm and I felt a spark of electricity jolt through me at the feeling of her skin underneath my fingers. "You don't have to do that, you know. I know this is... weird, but you can stay in the village. I don't mind, really."

It was the truth. I truly wanted her to stay. I wanted to be able to speak to her, to talk to her about how I felt about my upcoming wedding but she shook her head and rested her hand over mine and I knew her answer.

"I think it would be better if I stayed outside the village."

I knew it was the truth, but it didn't make me feel any better. My smile faultered as her hand slipped from mine and I shrugged. "Well, if you need anything..."

"I know," she grinned and it was contagious. I held her gaze for another few moments before she shook her head once more and stepped towards the door.

"Goodnight, Gabrielle."

"Goodnight, Xena," I whispered as I watched her walk away from me, again.


	7. Chapter 7

**It Should Be Me**

**Chapter Six**

After my short conversation with Xena, I left the dining hall to return to my hut but I couldn't find the strength to go inside and face my consort. If I was to go inside, there would be a huge arguement and I really couldn't deal with her right now. I did truly care about Miranda, but I was finding it harder each day to remember why I started seeing her in the face place. So instead, I sat on the small porch out front and attempted to ignore the guards that were gazing at me curiously.

My head was a mess as I sat there, staring up at the night sky. Everything was so confusing and just plain wrong. Being in this village, ruling as Queen and getting married to a woman that wasn't my soulmate, it just wasn't right. How had I ended up in this mess? How had my life strayed so far from what I had planned?

_You've made your bed, now lie in it. _

I don't know how long I sat there for, just thinking about the last few weeks in the village. My mind was a blur but I still mananged to noticed the figure creeping out of her hut in the darkness. I watched as Alexandria closed the door behind herself, her dark red hair shining in the moonlight and I assumed she was going to see Xena. A burst of jealousy coursed through me at the thought and I clenched my hands into fists in my lap. I had been contemplating doing the same thing until I saw the beautiful redhead leave her room.

As if she heard the grinding of my teeth when she walked past, Alexandria turned her head in my direction, her step faultering when she caught my eye. I tried to tame the anger in my eyes but from the confused frown on her face, I knew that I hadn't done a good job and I cringed when she changed direction and made her way over to me instead.

"Gabrielle? What are you still doing up?" She asked me, her voice tinged with concern as she knelt in front of me. More jealousy coursed through me as I took in just how beautiful she looked tonight. I had hardly noticed her at dinner, being so preoccupied with staring at Xena. Her black leather pants clung to her firm muscular legs, and she wore a sleeveless black leather jerkin with a silver belt that held two swords. Her dark red hair was pushed back with only a few thin strands falling into her midnight blue eyes and by the Gods, that smile. Why did I think that Xena would be able to resist this woman and that they were only just friends now? My wishful thinking left me feeling bitter.

"Where were you going?" I couldn't help but ask her, wanting to know the truth once and for all.

"To see Xena," Alexandria replied with a shrug. At least she was honest, I thought to myself as I fought the urge to bare my teeth. "I thought she might be lonely without Eve to keep her company."

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak as Alexandria gazed at me with a curious expression in her eyes. Her lips tilted in a smile before she raised her hand to stifle a large yawn.

"But," she continued slowly, giving me a meaningful look. "I am fairly tired after the last week. Dragging Xena out here was hard work. Maybe you could keep her company instead? I'm sure you both have a lot to catch up on."

I almost protested until I realised what Alexandria was doing. I contemplated her words for a moment and my mind was quickly made up. I had two choices: go into my hut and fight with my girlfriend now or go and visit Xena and have an even bigger fight with my girlfriend later.

It wasn't a hard desicion to make.

"I'll take care of Xena," I said as I pushed myself to my feet, realising too late what I had just said when I saw the amused look in Alexandria's eye. I ignored it.

"Brilliant," Alexandria smiled brightly, patting my shoulder. "Her camp is about a half candlemark walk from here. Just walk down the path from the village for about ten minutes until you see a giant 'X' carved into a tall oak tree. You should be able to track her easily from there."

Alexandria turned to leave and I quickly grabbed her arm to stop her. I smiled weakly at the woman I considered a friend, feeling guilty for letting my jealousy rule my actions. She seemed to understand the apology in my eyes and gave me another warm smile before returning to her room, a significant bounce in her step.

I was just throwing a few more logs onto the fire when I heard a branch crack in the darkness surrounding my camp. My hands inched towards my chakram as I listened, my nose twitching as I caught a familiar scent. I smothered my smile as I removed my hand from my chakram, pretending not to notice the prescence of my ex lover standing in the shadows. I waited for several minutes, giving her a chance to turn back and I was pleasantly surprised when I saw her step from the darkness and into the light.

"Hi," she smiled at me, some what nervously as she twisted her fingers together. She looked positively radiant in the light from my fire.

"Hey," I returned her smile warmly as I put my sword and whetstone away, leaning back on my bedroll. "What brings you out here, Gabrielle?"

I watched the Amazon for a few moments as she seemed to consider how to answer me. I frowned as her shoulders dropped in defeat and she wandered around the fire to sit beside me, pulling her knees up against her chest. I was surprised at how comfortable she seemed with me, despite what had happened with us in the past.

"I'm hiding from Miranda," she said softly, resting her cheek against her knees with her head turned towards me, her green eyes sparkling in the fire light. "We had an arguement and if I go back to my hut, I know it will only get worse. So, here I am."

I smiled at her sympathetically, unsure of what to say. Part of me was happy to hear this news and the other part was sad that Gabrielle was marrying a woman that was so obviously wrong for her.

_Not that I'm much better, _I thought to myself bitterly.

"Well, you're welcome to hide out here for as long as you like," I said, trying to lighten the mood as I gestured around my camp. "It's not much but I'm sure Argo doesn't mind sharing, with you at least."

We both grinned as the war horse nickered from where she was grazing at the edge of the camp. I turned my head and caught Gabrielle's eye and we held each other's gaze for a few moments before we finally broke the contact, though somewhat reluctantly on my part.

"So," I said with what I hoped was a warm and encouraging smile. "You're getting married. Are you excited?"

I watched with amusement as Gabrielle sighed dramatically, falling back on my bedroll with her arms covering her eyes. "I want to be, but Gods, it's doesn't get any easier the second time around. Though, I must admit that Miranda has taken care of most of it."

"I can imagine," I chuckled half heartedly as I gazed down at my ex lover. "The village looks beautiful though. She's done a good job."

"Yeah, she has," Gabrielle sighed, her voice emotionless.

I frowned at the bard's lack of enthusiasm. "Is there something wrong with it?"

"No..." Gabrielle said quietly before removing her arms from her eyes to look up at me. The emotion in her eyes made my mouth go dry and my heart thunder in my chest. "It's just... It's not what I wanted."

I could swear my heart stopped beating as I looked down at the bard. She seemed to realise what she said as I raised one eyebrow in slight confusion and quickly hurried on.

"I mean, the whole wedding is just not going to be how I pictured it. I mean, my wedding with Perdicus was so rushed that I hardly had time to get a dress and that was okay under the circumstances, but this... I have imagined this day since I was a little girl, you know? And nothing is going to be how I always dreamed it would. Not even the flowers."

"White daisies," I smiled slightly. Gabrielle gave me a stunned look at my words and I laughed softly. "White daisies, a white sleeveless dress, rose petals down the aisle, outdoors surrounding by candles and hanging lamps and saying 'I do' as the sun sets."

_"And then knowing that you were mine forever." _

I could hear Gabrielle's words clearly in my mind as I closed my eyes, remembering the conversation between the bard and I long ago, when everything in my life had been perfect. Because I had the love of my life at my side and I thought that nothing would ever tear us apart.

How things have changed.

"Why'd you leave?" Gabrielle asked me abrubtly and my small smile disappeared instantly as I turned to look into the fire. I could feel Gabrielle's intense gaze burning into my back and I sighed as I looked over my shoulder to meet her dazzling green eyes.

"I thought.." I stumbled over my words, unsure of what to say to the woman that I loved more than life itself. "I thought it would be better, if I left."

"Why?"

"I don't know," I sighed, running my fingers through my raven hair. "I'm not good with words, Gabrielle, I just act. I didn't know if I could have that conversation with you when you woke up in the morning. Everything happened so fast..."

"So, you thought it would be better if you just left?" Gabrielle said sarcastically as she gazed at me in disbelief, words starting to tumble from her lips before she could stop herself. "How could you, a woman so wise, think that was the best option? Do you know how it made me feel to wake up in bed alone, Xena? To be abandoned like that?"

I felt my anger rise at her words. What did she know about abandonment? The woman that left me over and over. "Are you serious, Gabrielle? This coming from the woman who left me in the beginning, only to come back and then leave me again!"

"You cheated on me!" Gabrielle exclaimed angrily as she sat up besides the dark haired warrior.

"Yes, Gabrielle, I cheated on you," I said softly, my voice filled with regret. "But, I am not the only one who made mistakes."

"Excuse me?"

"You always remind me of everytime I have given in to weakness, Gabrielle. But what about you? Half a moon after the first time we made love, you were marrying Perdicus." The blonde cringed at the memory of her ill fated marriage but I couldn't help but continue. "And I know all about your little tryst with Ephiny before we went to Illusia. And then, there was Najara, a woman you were so quick to f-"

"Enough," Gabrielle growled as she ran her fingers through her blonde locks. Her eyes were tortured as she stared into my own, and I felt a twinge of guilt for upsetting her. That most definetely hadn't been apart of my plan.

"I'm sorry, Gabrielle," I said softly, reaching over and resting my hand on her forearm, feeling her muscles tighten and relax under my touch. "I just... I needed to get that out. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Xena. You're right," Gabrielle whispered, her hand covering my own as she gave me a sad smile. "We both made mistakes. I just thought that last time... I thought all that would be over. I thought it would be us again. And now..."

We both sat there in silence for several moments and I was very aware of Gabrielle's hand that was still covering my own, her thumb stroking my skin absently as she gazed into the fire. If I tried hard enough, I could pretend that I was back in the past and it was a normal night between us, around the campfire. I could almost imagine her leaning over to rest her head against my shoulder like she used to, always wanting to be closer to me.

Until I realised I wasn't imagining it.

I was surprised as I felt the bard snuggle up into my side, but I didn't let it show. I stayed perfectly still, feeling her hand still wrapped around my own and her hair brushing against my neck in the most distracting way. I was scared if I moved or spoke that the moment would end and she would leave, so I silently endured. Not that I wasn't completely enjoying it, until her softly spoken words ruined my little fantasy.

"I'm getting married."


	8. Chapter 8

_Authors Note: I have seriously been neglecting this story! I've been so caught up writing To Tame A Wild Heart, that I almost completely forgot about this. Hopefully, over the next few weeks, I will update this more often as TTAWH comes to a close. Thank you though for all the comments and emails I have been recieving, up to this day! If you want to email me, my address is, jacklavigne13 hotmail .com_

**It Should Be Me**

**Chapter Seven**

The next few days passed by quickly with everyone being so busy with preparation for the wedding. Even I was always doing something, whether it was spending time with Eve, hunting with the Amazons or helping decorate the village for the wedding. I did anything and everything asked of me, to help keep my mind off why I was in the village. I hated to be reminded of the fact that my soulmate was marrying someone else, but everywhere I turned there was evidence of the truth and it was slowly killing me.

I have hardly seen Gabrielle since she came to my camp to hide from her consort on the first night of my stay here, and have spoken to her even less. Things have been slightly uncomfortable between us since that night, and everyone could feel the tension between us.

_"I'm getting married."_

After those heart breaking words had left her lips while her head rested against my shoulder and her hand held mine, she had quickly realized where and who she was with and had hurriedly made an exit. Whether she left because she was uncomfortable with how close we were or from fear of doing something that she would later regret, I don't know. It hurt so much to watch her leave so that she couldn't return to her partners loving embrace, but I hadn't come here to steal her away from Miranda. So, while I had longed to ask her to stay with me, I had instead let her go.

The only time I ever do see her is at meal times and while I want to go and talk to her, even if it's just to say hello, I am usually stopped by Miranda's glare. It wouldn't usually stop me but then I turn to see the exhaustion and strain in Gabrielle's eyes and I leave them be. And then quietly endure the feeling of the bard's eyes on my back as I eat with my family and friends.

I know she wants to talk to me, I can see her begging me to join her at her table every time I glance towards her. Even though things are slightly awkward between us, our bond is still there. It heartens me to know that I still mean something to her, that she still wants to be a part of my life even if we are only friends. Although I know it's not possible for either of us, the thought still makes my heart flutter.

It's almost time for the afternoon meal and I've been chopping wood for what feels like hours. The sun is almost unbearable as it shines down upon us and I can feel my hair sticking to my face while sweat rolls down between my shoulders blades. Standing up straight and resting the axe on my shoulder, I stretch my back and groan as it cracks loudly. I scowl as I turn to Alexandria who stands a few feet away, chuckling at my discomfort.

"What are you laughing at?" I ask her as I wipe the perspiration from my forehead, narrowing my eyes at the red headed woman. She grins as she lifts her own axe over her head, her arm muscles straining with the weight before bringing it down and slicing a block of wood down the middle. She was a vision in her new Amazon outfit that Gabrielle has let her borrow during her stay in the village. She had traded her usual outfit of black leather pants and a sleeveless black leather jerkin for a short leather skirt and a top that barely covered her breasts, both dyed a dark blue that matched her eyes. I had never seen in her in something so revealing but couldn't help but be appreciative as I let my gaze wander over her muscular thighs and up to her well defined abdomen and firm breasts that were straining against her leather top, her skin shining with a fine sheen of sweat. I also noticed that her new clothing had gathered quite a crowd of women that were watching her as she worked.

"I'm laughing at you, of course," she said, her eyes twinkling mischievously. "Is there Warrior Princess getting too old to chop a bit of wood, hm?"

I growled at her playfully but wondered to myself if I should follow her lead and wear something more suited to this weather. Although my armor had been removed for most of my stay, my leather battledress was uncomfortably tight in this heat, sticking to my skin. I finally grinned back at her before throwing my axe on the ground as I saw people starting to head to the dining hut for lunch. I had worked up a serious appetite after being out here for most of the day.

Alexandria copied my actions and we headed towards the dining hut together, ignoring the stares that followed us. Most people assumed that we were a couple still, though our close friends knew the truth. Neither of us truly cared what anyone else thought. Alexandria knew where my heart belonged.

"Have you spoken to her since the other night?" Alexandria asked me quietly as we entered the dining hut. I shook my head before looking up from my boots to find the woman in question.

And was surprised to see her smiling at me brightly and waving us both over to her table.

I glanced around the room, my eyes searching for the one who would make me walk in the other direction, but Miranda was no where to be seen. I then noticed that most of my friends, including my mother and daughter were now sitting at the Queen's table. I met Alexandria's eyes and we both shrugged before walking to the two seats that had been left empty for us.

I sat down next to Gabrielle, who had Eve sitting happily in her lap while Alexandria sat down across from me. The Amazon Queen spared a glance at me, giving me a bright smile as she bounced the giggling toddler on her knee.

"You look hot."

My mouth dropped open in shock as I turned to face the bard, and received loud laughter in return for my expression.

"I mean warm, Xena," Gabrielle chuckled as she leant over and squeezed my forearm. I blushed slightly in embarrassment and turned to the plate of food in front of me.

"Where is Miranda?" I asked curiously, stabbing a piece of venison with my fork as I glanced around the room for the Amazon.

"On a hunting trip," the blonde replied absently as she helped Eve to eat her meal while picking at her own. I was confused about her lack of interest in her partner's absence.

"This close to the wedding?"

"The wedding isn't for another four days," said Gabrielle with a small shrug, taking a bite of food from our daughter's fork and smiling devilishly at the child. "She will be back the night before the wedding."

My head swam with thoughts of how I could spent the next few days with my ex lover. My heart sunk as I realized that this would probably be the last time I was ever able to spend time with her alone, if at all. I had come here to say my final goodbye but now that it was getting closer and closer the day that I would lose her forever, I regretted my decision to come at all.

_"I'm getting married."_

The words played over and over in my head, and suddenly my appetite vanished. I pushed the plate away and slowly got up, ignoring the curious looks from my friends. I smiled weakly at Gabrielle as she stared up at me in confusion, before leaving the table and returning to my work outside.

_Gods, _I thought to myself miserably. _I wish it was me._


	9. Chapter 9

_Authors Note: This is just a short chapter that I needed to add before I start getting to all the exciting stuff ;) I'm sorry that it's taken my so long to update this story and hopefully the next chapter will be updated sooner. If you want to email me, my address is jacklavigne13 hotmail .com_

_Thank you. _

**It Should Be Me**

**Chapter Eight**

It's four days until the wedding and I swear that now, I am indeed losing my mind. I've been surrounded by friends and family for the past half a moon, but I feel so alone. I've hardly been able to spend time with any of them, so busy with preparations and also because my consort has serious jealousy issues. She knows that most of my friends are also friends with Xena, and she thinks if I spend time with them, they'll try and convince me that my soulmate and I should be together. I don't really blame Miranda, because so far, that's exactly what all of them have done.

It didn't happen right away, but over the weeks, they all started to say the same thing. I think they were trying to be happy for me in the beginning, but when they saw how Miranda treated me and how miserable I am, they all changed their tune. Even Joxer told me that Xena still loved me and that she would have me back in a heartbeat if only I would stop all this madness. I never expected to hear such things from Joxer, the man that I thought was totally oblivious to our relationship in the years we travelled together.

I thank the Gods that Miranda left on a hunting trip this morning. I like to think that I will miss her while she's gone, but I know that I won't. Our fights over the past days have gotten impossibly worse and when she told me last night that she would be gone until the wedding, I almost cried from joy.

I decided to use this precious time to talk to my friends and take some comfort from their company, considering that after the wedding, I probably wouldn't see many of them for a very long time. At the lunch time meal, I had some Amazon's push another large table against my own and made it big enough so that I could spend the meal with my friends.

I had my daughter on my lap when Xena finally entered the dining hut with Alexandria. They both looked magnificent as they entered, their strong bodies dripping with sweat. I unconciously squeezed my thighs together as I caught Xena's eyes and I waved them both over to the table.

Our conversation didn't last long and before I knew it, she was gone. I wracked my brain in an attempt to understand what I had said for her to make such a quick departure but I couldn't figure it out. Lost in my thoughts, I hardly noticed the midnight blue eyes gazing at me from across the table.

The rest of the meal went plesantly enough and I left to return to my paperwork that had been building up over the past weeks. I was surprised when Alexandria caught up with me on the way to my hut.

"Good afternoon, Alexandria," I smiled at the woman who returned my words with a brilliant smile of her own. I had hardly spoken to red head since she had entered the village, always too busy with other work. We walked together in silence for a few moments before Alexandria suddenly spoke.

"So, was all the pain I went through in my last visit to this village all for nothing? Are you seriously going to go through with this wedding or what?"

I stared at Alexandria in shock, almost stumbling up the steps to my hut. I had been expecting a conversation like this with the red head for a few days now, but I hadn't expected for her to be so blunt.

"Alexandria, I- I," I stuttered over my words, unsure of what to say.

"Look, Gabrielle," Alexandria started, gripping my forearm gently. "I just want to know if this is truly what you want. I know your personal life is none of my business but, Xena is my business. I dragged her out here because I thought that maybe you knew that you were making the biggest mistake of your life. I just need to know if I made the right decision in bringing Xena here."

We stared into each others eyes and I knew she could see the truth. I knew that I was making a big mistake, but there was no turning back now, was there? Like I had been trying to convince myself over the past weeks, the words 'I made my bed and now I have to lie in it,' ran through my head repeatedly.

"What am I supposed to do, Alex?" I whispered sadly, my shoulders slumping with defeat. "I will always love Xena, but I can't just cancel the wedding. I owe it to Miranda to go through with this."

"Gabrielle, for once in your life, you need to stop thinking about everyone elses feelings," Alexandria said with a small smile as she squeezed my arm gently. "If you want to marry Miranda, then marry her. But if you don't, then you need to realise that this your life and your happiness that we are talking about here. If you go through with this, I can promise you that you will never see Xena again. Everything you two have been through won't matter anymore because even though she loves you more than life, she isn't strong enough to stand around and watch you live your life with someone else. Just, think about it, okay?"

With another gentle squeeze to my forearm, and a meaningful look, Alexandria turned and walked back towards the dining hut, leaving me with my thoughts. I found myself desperately wanting to talk to Xena, but I decided against it, at least for now.

I needed sometime alone to think, and then maybe tomorrow I would seek out the dark haired warrior that I wish I was marrying instead of the short tempered Amazon that I had tried to replace her with.


	10. Chapter 10

**It Should Be Me**

**Chapter Nine**

After leaving the dining hall, I returned to my camp to spend some time alone. I spent the rest of the night and the next morning wondering if I should just leave. I was putting myself through Tartarus by being here, having somehow thought that maybe Gabrielle didn't really want to marry Miranda. That maybe, with some luck, she would see me again and everything would go back to the way it was before. Of course I had been wrong and had only ended up making Gabrielle uncomfortable and putting myself through even more pain.

I cursed Alexandria repeatedly for bringing me here and wondered if she had only done so to give me a taste of the pain I had caused her all the moons ago. I deserved it after cheating on her with Gabrielle, only to also end up leaving Gabrielle again in the end. Gods, how had I been so stupid as to think it was the right thing to do by walking away? I dropped my head into my hands, berating myself for the worst desicion I had ever made in my life.

It was almost time for the midday meal and I was still wandering around my camp, considering packing my bags and going home. I knew that Alexandria would bring my mother and my daughter home safely if I decided to leave, so I didn't have to worry about that. I was pulled from my musings as I heard a twig snap behind me and quickly turned around to face the intruder.

Gabrielle's smile rivaled the sun and I thought I would be blinded with the brightness of it. The beauty of it weakened my knees and I leant against a tree, attempting to look casual while feeling as if my legs would collapse from beneath me. I couldn't help but smile back weakly as she strode into the small clearing, a basket tucked under her arm. I wondered for a moment why she was here, but quickly decided that it didn't matter. Despite my thoughts of leaving only moments ago, any time that I could spend with Gabrielle before she was married was time that I would cherish.

"Hey," Gabrielle grinned as she dropped the basket besides the now dead fire. "I brought you lunch."

"Hi, I was just about to leave and join everyone in the village for lunch," I lied through my teeth, plastering a small on my face. In truth, the thought of having lunch, especially in the village was the last thing on my mind.

"Oh, well I thought it might be nice to spend some time together," Gabrielle said, her voice faultering on the last few words. I gave her an encouraging smile and she returned it before sitting down on my bedroll and pulling the basket towards her. I hurried to join her and leaned over her shoulder to see what she brought for lunch.

The first thing I saw made my heart leap into my throat and my eyes mist up with tears. I quickly blinked them away as Gabrielle pulled a small plate out of the basket and set it down before me, giving me a small wink as she did. It was a plate of my favourite pasteries, the ones she used to make for me with the red stuff in the middle.

"I made them last night," Gabrielle said with a smile as she continued to pull food from the basket, enough to feed half the Amazon nation in my opinion.

"Thank you," I replied softly, glancing up to meet her gave and feeling a shock of electricity race down my spine as she smiled at me warmly.

"You're welcome," she said in an equally soft voice before finally tearing her eyes away and clearing her throat. "Where did you go last night? Eve was wondering where you were."

"I just came back here," I replied, feeling guilty at having not said goodnight to my daughter. "I needed some time alone."

Gabrielle seemed to process this information, her hands faultering as she pulled two plates from her bag. She glanced up into my eyes, a sad but understanding smile on her face as she passed me a plate before turning back to fill her own with food. As always, I was in awe of how much food she heaped onto her plate, but I smiled. It felt like old times again.

"So," The bard started slowly, picking at the pile of food as she spoke before popping a piece of venison into her mouth. "Do you plan to stick around at all after the wedding?"

I almost choked on the piece of carrot I had just swallowed, and took several gulps of sweet Amazon wine to help it go down. The feeling remained though, uncomfortable and slightly painful as if my heart had risen into my throat and it was being constricted painfully.

"I hadn't really thought about it," I managed to choke out, feeling my appetite vanish. "I think Mother wants to get back to the tavern as soon as possible. You know how she is, she doesn't like leaving her home in other peoples hands, no matter how much she trusts them."

Gabrielle nodded though she refused to meet my gaze. We fell into an uncomfortable silence as I knew we would. It was inevitable really. We were trying to be just friends after so many years of being lovers, a fact that neither of us could forget. It wouldn't work and we both knew it. But that still doesn't explain why I spoke my next words.

"Do you love her?"

I'm sure Gabrielle's gaping expression matched my own, both up shocked over my abrupt words. I don't know what possessed me to ask, but I only then realised how desperately I wanted to know the truth. It would help me, I reasoned with myself, knowing that it was a lie. If I knew that Gabrielle truly loved Miranda, then maybe I would be able to move on.

"I- Uh," the Amazon Queen stuttered, hesitant in her reply. She looked up from her food and met my gaze and I felt a brief spark of hope from the emotions in her eyes and the uncertainty in her voice. But she responded exactly as I knew she would, nonetheless. "Of course I love her. Why?"

"I just needed to know," I replied honestly before turning back to my meal. I could feel her eyes on me as I ate, but I decided to ignore it. I wasn't sure if Gabrielle spoke the truth about her feelings for her consort, but hearing the words spoken hurt. I really wish I didn't come here, I thought to myself miserably. If only to have saved myself the pain of hearing those words.

"Why did you need to know?" Gabrielle's voice was such a soft whisper, almost inaudible.

Once again, I decided to reply honestly. It wasn't like this conversation could become any more tense or awkward anyway. "I just wanted to make sure that this was the right thing for you. I need to know that this is what you want, Gabrielle. I know it's not my place anymore, and I know you don't need it from me, or probably want it, but I'll always want to protect you. I just needed to know."

I was right of course; the silence was tense and extremely uncomfortable.

"I don't," the words were half spoken, half sobbed. I looked up in alarm to see Gabrielle's emerald green orbs fill with tears as we gazed at one another. For a moment, I thought that she meant that she didn't want my protection, until she continued. "I don't love her."

I felt my heart hammering in my chest as my plate slipped lifelessly from my fingers, though I didn't take any notice of it. I wanted to lean over and kiss her, though I resisted. It didn't feel like the right time and if Gabrielle wanted me, she would let me know. For once, I would give her the control that I had previously gripped so tightly.

"Gabrielle," I whispered, my eyes shining as I looked at her. I reached over to touch her arm, hoping it would come across as comforting but she didn't give me a chance. She stood up abruptly, wiping the tears that had leaked from her eyes.

"I can't," Gabrielle whispered over and over again, like a mantra. I stood in confusion as she backed several steps away from me. "I can't do this again. It hurts. It hurts, Xena."

"Gabrielle," I repeated, my voice a broken whisper. I wanted to tell her that it didn't have to hurt, not anymore. I wanted to sweep her into my arms and take all her pain away, the pain that I had caused her. I felt my heart rip in two as she sobbed loudly, holding her hands up in front of her body as if trying to defend herself from a physical attack when I stepped closer.

"Please, don't," she cried, though she didn't give me a chance to step any closer as she rushed from the clearing and into the forest. I wanted to follow her and it took all my will power not to. I wanted her to have the control. I wanted her to choose if something more would happen between us.

I desperately hoped that it would.


	11. Chapter 11

**It Should Be Me**

**Chapter Ten**

I vaguely remember thinking that all of our little meetings ended up with one of us running away, as I entered the Queen's hut. I felt emotionally exhausted as I sat down on my large bed, dropping my face into my upturned hands. What had I done? I had the perfect moment to tell Xena the truth; that I still wanted to be with her, but instead I ran away in tears like a child.

It would have been so easy to lean over and kiss her after confessing to her that I didn't love Miranda. I could see that she wanted to as she glanced between my eyes and my lips as she looked at me. Her love for me burned so brightly in her ocean blue eyes, as it did every time she saw me. I could tell she still desired me, even after everything. I could see it every time I met her gaze, and in the way she licked her lips while staring at my body when she thought I wasn't looking. It sends a shock of desire through me every time, to know that she still finds me attractive, even though I belong to someone else now.

It had hurt so much, wanting her and knowing that I couldn't have her, all because of one giant mistake. And the mistake wasn't even hers this time, it was mine. If I hadn't accepted Miranda's proposal, then Xena and I would be together. Maybe not now, but in the future we would have found each other again. Our bond is too strong to keep away from one another. But now, there were even more issues between us, issues that created a space between us that I didn't know how to cross.

I tried to console myself with reasoning, that it wasn't all completely my fault. If Xena hadn't started falling for Antony in the first place, then we wouldn't be in this mess. We would still be roaming the country side, fighting evil and saving innocents. Or maybe, we would have settled down together in that house that Xena lived in now with Eve, when she wasn't on a mission. We would still be together if she had been faithful to me.

In my heart, I knew that I was lying to myself. Even before Antony came along, we were having problems. All the Roman did was finally push me past my endurance level. We have both been unfaithful to one another in the past, though her more often than I. I even married Perdicus, only weeks after we first made love and I knew it broke her heart. I remember seeing her face when I turned back to look at her as I left the temple, hand in hand with my new husband. I remember watching as her face crumpled in agony, the first tear slipping from her eyes as I turned away. We both knew that back then it was more out of guilt than anything on my part. Guilt at leaving him in the first place to follow Xena, and guilt for unintentionally setting him on a path that had scarred him so badly. I betrayed her, but we worked through it; we always worked through it in the end.

But after the stress of Xena getting pregnant and then having Eve, along with fighting the Olympian Gods, I started to forget all the reasons that I was with Xena in the first place. Especially when I saw her in Antony's arms, kissing his lips and giving him the love that should have been mine. I started to forget how she made me feel when I was in her arms, kissing her lips and receiving her love.

But none of that mattered to me anymore.

Ever since she stepped onto Amazon land to attend my wedding, all of that stopped mattering. All that mattered was that she had come for me. Whether she came to support me, or to steal me away, it didn't matter. She was here and that's all I cared about.

All I care about is her and the life that I could still imagine for us. Because I still love her and that will never change. We are meant to be together.

Gods, what am I still doing here?

It's really becoming a problem, how we always run away and hide from one another. I can't blame her, especially with how I've treated her since we first met all those years ago. When we first made love, it was the most perfect moment of my life and I thought that we would always be together from that day on. But then she married Perdicus, out of guilt I know, but it changed everything, for me, at least.

I've always had trust issues, but that was the first real time that I didn't know if I could trust Gabrielle with my heart. She destroyed me when she left that temple, and even though she was returned to me, I was still hurting. I guess that's why I turned to Ulysses when I met him. Even though Gabrielle and I had made amends over her ill-fated marriage, I had wanted to show her the pain that she had shown me. In the end, I left Ulysses in Ithaca and Gabrielle and I were together again, but something changed between us.

Whenever a problem came up, we always worked through it, but never completely. There was yelling and crying and in the end we said sorry, but there was always a little bit of residual anger left over. And after all of the years of that anger and resentment building up inside of her, Gabrielle finally broke when she saw me with Antony. Again, I can't blame her. There were few times when Gabrielle ever really strayed from my side after Perdicus, though I regretfully can't say the same for myself. I don't know why I kept hurting her, even after she had proved herself to me more times than I can remember.

Maybe I was scared that she would hurt me again. The sad thing is, in the end, I had just ended up hurting myself. I fucked up and pushed the love of my life too far and she left me; and that hurt more than anything.

I sat down heavily on my bedroll as I listened to her footsteps disappear, still wanting to run after her. I wanted to grab her by the shoulders and to shake some sense into her, to tell her that it wasn't too late. Even after she joins with Miranda, it still won't be too late. No amount of time or difficult situation will ever stop me from loving her, even if she is bonded to someone else through Amazon law. Because no matter what, my heart, my soul and my body will always belong to her; _I will always belong to her_.

I sighed as I ran my fingers through my dark hair, hardly noticing as the sun started to set. It was completely dark by the time I finally moved to put away the food that Gabrielle had brought me earlier. Only when I finally finished packing it all up did I notice the presence behind me.

I turned around swiftly, my hand reaching for my breast dagger as I berated myself for thinking so deeply that I didn't notice someone enter my camp. The thought left my mind instantly as I saw Gabrielle standing somewhat awkwardly behind me. Her fingers were fiddling with her short leather skirt as she looked up at me. I wanted to speak but the look in her eyes stopped me and I felt a shiver race down my spine as I let my hands drop to my sides.

"Gabrielle," I finally managed to whisper as she started walking towards me. Her steps were determined, though a little shaky. I could see her hands trembling as she raised them to my face, cupping my cheeks and running her thumbs along my skin.

"Artemis, forgive me," Gabrielle breathed before leaning up and pressing her lips against mine.


	12. Chapter 12

**It Should Be Me**

**Chapter Eleven**

The walk to Xena's camp was completely terrifying, filled with doubt and confusion. My palms were sweaty and my knees were trembling as I walked through the thick forest and away from the Amazon village. What would I do when I saw her? What would I say to her? I'm getting married in a few days but I want you so badly I feel as if I will explode? I'm sorry that I have a girlfriend but I love you so much that all I want to do is run away with you?

That I wish it was her that I was marrying and not my consort?

I knew that she still loved me; she had proved that to me earlier when I brought lunch to her camp. Her eyes had sparkled with affection for me when I set those little cakes down in front of her. I should have kissed her then, I thought to myself with a small smile. It would have been easier to do it then, when I could feel the heat radiating from her muscular body. I could feel her love for me, shining so brightly, but that didn't mean she wouldn't turn me away, knowing that I had promised myself to someone else. I couldn't blame her either, remembering the pain I had felt in my heart when I kissed her while she was still with Alexandria.

I decided to try and talk to my ex-lover, wanting and needing to explain everything to her. I wanted to tell her that I had made a mistake, and that I still loved her but when I walked into her campsite and saw her, every ounce of self-control I had simply vanished. The way she looked with the moonlight shining down upon her and the fire light making her skin glow made my heart clench painfully in my chest. Gods, she was so beautiful.

Without a sound, I crossed her camp on shaky legs and stood before her, staring up into her pale blue eyes that confessed her love for me without her having to say a word. A shiver raced down my spine as she whispered my name and my eyes were immediately drawn to her soft lips. I always did love the way she said my name.

"Artemis, forgive me," I whispered as I cupped her face with my hands, gently caressing her cheekbones with my thumbs before leaning up and kissing her.

Lightening surged through my limbs and every nerve ending caught alight as I brushed my lips lightly against hers. I felt her body tense, but she responded to my kiss with equal tenderness after her shock subsided. I felt a familiar warmth seep into my belly as I tangled my fingers in her hair, pressing my body against hers so deliciously that I shuddered in pleasure.

I wondered, as I pressed my lips more firmly to hers, why she wasn't touching me in return. I longed to feel her powerful hands caressing me as I scraped my fingernails against her scalp. It hit me at that moment that she was giving me the control. She was giving me all the power and the chance to back out if I chose to.

Only backing out was the furthest thing from my mind.

My body stiffened in surprise as I felt her brush her lips against mine hesitantly, her fingertips lightly caressing my cheekbones. I let myself slowly relax as I returned the kiss, reveling in the way her lips felt pressed against my own. Her lips were so soft and it sent fire racing through my veins as she kissed me so lovingly I felt as if I would cry.

I whimpered softly as her mouth opened underneath mine, her tongue snaking into my mouth and dancing with my own. My knees almost buckled as I felt her run her fingers through my hair, gripping the raven strands as she pressed her body tightly against me. I could feel her every curve and my fingers were itching to touch the soft skin underneath her clothes.

I felt my heart thumping in my chest as the kiss became more passionate, my hands clenched into fists at my side. It was taking every last bit of self-restraint I had not to wrap my arms around her and pull her close, but I needed to give Gabrielle the control. Her behavior towards me over the past years has been erratic at best, and I needed her to know that it would be okay if she pulled away. I wouldn't be able to blame her if she did, after everything we had been through.

Plus, she was getting married in only a few days.

That thought alone was enough to make me pull away as the warmth in my heart instantly vanished. I reluctantly broke the kiss, watching as Gabrielle's eyes fluttered open, the green orbs shining with confusion.

"Xena?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat, a shiver racing up my spine as I saw the desire in her eyes. "We should stop."

Gods, the words were almost painful as I choked them out, my throat tight with emotion.

A flicker of understanding lightened her eyes and she smiled sadly as she caressed my cheek. I couldn't help but lean into the touch, my eyes closing involuntarily at the feather light caress. It felt so good to have her hands on me again, to feel the warmth of her skin. My center pulsed with the thought of feeling the rest of her body naked, pressed up against mine.

My eyes opened slowly as I felt Gabrielle's other hand wander down the side of my neck, stroking every bit of exposed skin. She held my gaze as she hooked her fingers underneath the shoulder strap of my leather battle dress, pushing it down my arm slowly until my breast was exposed to the cool night air. Her eyes travelled the same path as her hand did, bright with need as a soft moan escaped her lips at my exposed flesh before she leant forwards to press her cheek against my warm skin.

"Gabrielle," I breathed, my voice half pleading, half warning as I felt her hot breath on my skin, my nipple tightening in reaction. The feeling made me want to scream as I felt my stomach clench, my eyes involuntarily looking down to watch her.

"Xena, please," she whispered as she brushed her lips against my breast, gentling kissing the skin that was becoming unbearably hot underneath her lips. "I need this, if only for one night... I need you. Gods, I want you so much, Xena."

For a split second as I listened to her lust filled words, I felt so happy I could have cried, until an overwhelming wave of sadness rushed over me. Gabrielle needed me now, because in a few days she would be married to her consort. I felt my heart break in my chest all over again as my shoulders slumped with defeat, averting my eyes from the pale hair resting against my chest.

Gabrielle seemed to realize that she had said something wrong as she pulled back to look up at me. I tried to mask my pain but I could tell by the slight furrowing of Gabrielle's brow that I was failing miserably. "Xena?"

"I'm sorry," I managed to choke out, bowing my head and allowing my hair to fall around my face, making a barrier between myself and the woman I loved more than life itself. "I'm sorry, I..."

"It's okay," Gabrielle smiled sadly, tears welling in her eyes as she pressed her lips together. "It's okay. I understand."

I felt her fingertips lightly stroking my cheeks before she leant up and pressed her lips against my forehead. I closed my eyes at the sweet touch, breathing in her familiar scent, which was all that was left behind when I opened my eyes and Gabrielle had once again disappeared.


	13. Chapter 13

**It Should Be Me**

**Chapter Twelve**

I felt as if I'd been kicked in the stomach. The air seemed to be thinning with every second and I was soon gasping for breath as I stumbled through the forest. My vision was blurred with tears as I made my way back to the Amazon village, praying that no one would take any notice of me. My biggest fear had just become reality; Xena didn't want me anymore.

When I first entered the campsite, I could see the desire and the love burning in her eyes, but the moment my hands started to wander, the second I started to touch her, I could feel the tension seeping from her very skin. I thought that I had been giving us what we both wanted, what we both needed, but I had been blind. I wondered if I only imagined the affection in her eyes. Maybe I had mistaken pity for passion, disgust for love. How could I blame her? I'm a whore.

I'm due to be married in only a few days and I pushed my consort away on a hunting trip so that I could seduce my ex-lover. It's the truth. I argued with her all week, pushing her past her limits and when the she was asked by a fellow Amazon to go on the trip, I pushed her to. What the fuck is wrong with me?

I finally entered the gates of the Amazon village, steadfastly ignoring the Amazon's that gazed at me curiously. I forced myself to walk casually to my hut, when in truth I really wanted to run away from the rejection that I'd left behind me. I pushed open the door and made my way straight to the bed, where I laid down still fully clothed.

I finally let the tears fall as I squeezed my eyes shut, sobbing brokenly as I gripped the bed sheets. I had made my bed, and now I was lying in it. Gods, life is a bitch.

After Gabrielle left my camp, I practically collapsed on my bedrolls and fell into a tortured sleep. I dreamt of Gabrielle and the gift she had offered me, which I refused and my heart broke all over again. The morning was even less welcome, and I wondered how the sky could be so blue, and the sun so bright when I felt so empty inside. It's only two more days until Gabrielle would be married and I wanted to just pack my things and leave. I knew I wouldn't see her now until the wedding. Tomorrow, Miranda would return from her hunting trip and the next morning, they would be joined.

I wondered miserably to myself why I had pushed her away when she came to me. Maybe if I had let her seduce me, she would have decided to call of the wedding, even if she had only planned to be with me for one night. She might not have returned to me completely, but it would have given me more time to prove to her that I could be what she wanted again.

I was pulled from my thoughts by a twig snapping underneath leather boots. I didn't even bother to move, remaining in my bedroll and staring at the down dead fire. I wasn't surprised when Alexandria stepped into the clearing, a bright smile on her face that quickly faded when she took in my appearance. I wondered how bad I must look as I stared into her concerned eyes. I doubted that I couldn't possibly look as bad as I feel, it's impossible.

"Xena," Alexandria breathed as she crossed the camp quickly, coming to kneel besides me. I tried to compose myself but when she wrapped me in her arms, the dam broke and the emotions overwhelmed me.

I sobbed in her arms, my chest heaving as I clutched at the dark blue vest she was wearing. I could tell she was a little uncomfortable with my behavior, but she quickly pulled me to her chest, rubbing my back soothingly as she whispered comforting words into my ear. I continued to cry until my throat burned and my chest ached, and I let myself relax against her, taking comfort from the soft lips pressed against the top of my hair. I felt like a child, crying in her mother's arms and I knew I would usually be extremely uncomfortable but right now I didn't care.

"Xena, Sweetheart," Alexandria whispered into my hair as she continued to stroke my back with one hand while the other brushed tears from flushed cheeks. "Tell me what happened, love."

I took a deep breath before starting the short story, leaving out no details. I felt her body stiffen in certain places, but her hand on my back never stopped moving as she listened quietly. When I finished, I looked up into her eyes to find her gazing back at me sympathetically.

"Do you want to leave?" She asked me softly. For a moment I thought about saying yes. I thought about leaving here with her now, knowing that she would if I asked her to. But as quickly as the thought entered my mind, I expelled it.

"No," I managed to choke out, my throat sore from my crying. "No, you were right back in Amphipolis. I have to do this. I need closure."

Alexandria nodded, resting her chin on top of my head as I once again relaxed against her, taking comfort from her warm body. The next few days would be the hardest of my life, I had no doubt. But as Alexandria had said, first and most importantly, Gabrielle was my best friend. If she wanted to go through with the wedding, then I would support her, even if was breaking my heart. Because I love her and all I want is for her to be happy, even if it means not being with me.

"Want to go chop some more wood?" Alexandria asked after a few moments of silence. "We can pretend every piece is Miranda's face? It might make you feel better."

I couldn't help but smile at her words, nodding my head as I allowed Alexandria to practically pick me up from the ground. I stayed still as she ran her fingers through my messy hair and straightened my leathers. At least I wouldn't be alone, I thought to myself with a sad smile as Alexandria wiped the remaining tears from my face with a small grin. I still had a family, even if I was missing part of my heart and my soul. I just needed closure, I told myself as I walked from the clearing with Alexandria by my side. I would feel better when this was all over, I lied to myself.

Gods, life is a bitch.


	14. Chapter 14

_Authors Note: Hey! We're getting very close to the end now. Only a few more chapters then this series is over. I'm forever grateful to everyone who stood by this story, even when it was put on hold. And I'm thankful for all the messages and emails I've recieved. If you want to email me, my address is jacklavigne13 hotmail .com_

_Now, onto what we're all been waiting for. The wedding! It's from both the girls POV's. It's Gabrielle's POV in italics, and Xena in normal script. _

_Enjoy!_

**It Should Be Me**

**Chapter Thirteen**

The past two days seemed to rush by me, while at the same time; it seemed as if the days would never end. I was right when I thought that I wouldn't see Gabrielle until the wedding. She was avoiding me that much was obvious. I would catch glimpses of her, near the practice yard, in the doorway of her hut, in the dining hall. Our eyes would meet for the barest moment and then she would disappear, and I would be left feeling empty. I wanted to talk to her, to be near her and it made my heart ache to know that I would finally see her now, while she joined with another woman.

_My chest was thumping in my chest as I nervously fiddled with the roses in my hands, hardly paying attention to my sister as she straightened my dress and fixed my hair. The past few days had been horrible, and I had been overwhelmed with the final touches for the wedding. I had almost cried when I first tried on my wedding dress, my friends mistaking my tears for happiness when I was really in distress. It only got worse when Miranda returned from her hunting trip, and she seemed to have taken the time to think about the way she had been acting. She spent the whole day before the wedding being so loving and affectionate towards me and the guilt was eating me up inside. I lived for the moments when I saw Xena around the village, and our eyes would meet for that perfect moment, until I would turn and walk away, scared of what I would do if I held her gaze. Her beautiful blue eyes were so sad when she looked at me, begging me to end this madness and to run away with her._

I was seated almost at the very back of the room of the dining hall, with Alexandria at my side. The large room had been cleared out; the wooden tables had been replaced by a small dais with an altar at the front of the room, with rows of chairs before it that were full of people. The rest of my family and friends were closer to the altar, and my daughter was waiting to walk down the aisle in the dress that my mother had made for her. My hands were sweaty and I could feel the muscles in my legs twitching, begging for me to run so that I wouldn't have to watch this. I didn't want to be here, to watch as my life fell apart before my eyes but Alexandria's hand gripping my own was keeping me still.

Knowing that I couldn't leave, I changed tactics and started praying to every God that existed. I prayed that I would be knocked unconscious before the ceremony started, or that some warlord would suddenly make himself known on the Amazon's borders, causing the wedding to be postponed. Most of all, I prayed that Gabrielle would change her mind and end my heartache. I didn't care if she decided not to be with me, as long as she wasn't marrying someone else; especially someone that was just so wrong for her.

_I was standing in the center of my hut, waiting for the ceremony to start. One of my guards would come and get me when it was time for me to walk down the aisle, and I was dreading it. I didn't want to walk into that beautifully decorated room, full of my family and friends so that I could walk towards a woman that I didn't want to marry. I prayed for a way out of it all. I prayed to the Gods that Miranda would change her mind and decide that she didn't want me after all. I prayed that someone would stand up when we said our vows and object to this disastrous marriage. I prayed for an arrow to the chest to end the pain in my heart that was overwhelming me. _

_I should have gone to her, I berated myself. I should have just taken Xena's hand and begged her to leave with me. We could have taken Eve and returned to their home in Amphipolis, and I could have spent the rest of my days in Xena's arms, hoping that one day the Amazons could forgive me. I wanted her so desperately, to feel her silky skin underneath the palms of my hands. I wanted to feel her soft lips on mine, taking control over me, mind, body and soul. I wanted to lay naked in her arms and feel her heart beating in sync with mine. I miss that; I miss everything about her._

I had been hoping that she would come to me again after the other night. My body ached to feel her hands on me once again, to feel her lips pressed against mine as she whispered loving words into my ears. I wanted to touch her, to make her feel like she was the only one in the world for me as I knew she was. I wanted to wrap myself around her and never let her go, but she didn't give me the chance. I couldn't blame her. She had offered herself to me and I had rejected her, instead of taking the wonderful gift of loving her body one last time.

I realized as Alexandria squeezed my hand, that the Gods were obviously ignoring me. So deep in my thoughts, I hadn't even noticed the Amazon's near the alter that started to play their instruments, signaling the start of the ceremony. I watched as everyone in the room turned towards the large double doors to my right as they swung open and I reluctantly turned to look as well.

_A knock sounded at my door and I watched with tear filled eyes as Lila rushed over to open it, revealing Eponin on the other side. The dark haired warrior looked over my sister's shoulder and nodded towards me, her eyes sympathetic. I returned her nod and made my way to the door, wondering if anyone would notice their Queen running out of the village gates. Eponin would help me, I knew; she didn't really approve of my wedding to Miranda and had always expected to be attending my wedding with Xena. Maybe I could just run away and eventually, Xena would find me, even if it wasn't to be with me. She was just like that, loyal and loving. She would find me. _

My daughter entered first and I couldn't help but smile at how beautiful she looked. She was wearing the white sun dress that my mother had made for her and it looked gorgeous on her. Her raven colored hair had been braided with beads and feathers and she was holding a bunch of red roses in her tiny hands as she started to practically skip down the aisle. I was glad that even though I was miserable, my daughter seemed to be enjoying herself immensely. I grinned as Alexandria leant over in her seat, tickling my daughter's ribs as she passed us by, causing Eve to giggle and dance away from her before resuming her journey.

When Eve was almost at the altar where the Amazon priestess waited, another person entered the room and slowly started their way down the aisle. It was one of Miranda's friends that had been asked to stand beside her on her wedding day, but I hardly noticed her as the Queen's consort entered the hall. I had to admit that while I despised the woman, Miranda did look beautiful. Her Amazon leathers were dark brown and had been cleaned and oiled and her armor practically sparkled in the sunlight. Her sword was sheathed at her hip and she had a bow strapped to her back with a quiver of arrows. Her dark hair had been brushed and flowed down her back and even her normally dull blue eyes seemed to shine.

_I reluctantly left my hut, with Lila on my right side and Eponin on my left. I watched with a small smile from across the village as Eve entered the dining hall, looking beautiful like her mother. The dress she was wearing had been made by Cyrene and I had almost cried when I first saw her in it. I sighed when my daughter was out of sight and stopped in place when I saw Miranda. She looked stunning, dressed in her Amazon leathers and standing proudly by the door to the dining hut. She would become the official consort to the Queen today and she definitely looked the part. _

_I watched silently as she straightened her leathers, ignoring the confused looks I was getting from my sister and my escort. I didn't start moving again until Miranda was out of sight and I felt my heart start to beat out of control, knowing that my life was going to end in mere moments. _

I watched with narrowed eyes as she walked slowly down the aisle, smiling at her friends and nodding to several other guests. The corner of my mouth curled up into a smile as Miranda stumbled over a non-existent object and I listened as Alexandria covered up her laugh with a soft cough. Miranda shot us both a dirty look over her shoulder, as if we were what caused her to trip and we both stared back at her with wide, innocent eyes until she faced the front of the room once again.

"How graceful," Alexandria whispered softly into my ear and I grinned, squeezing her hand in response.

The next person that entered was Lila, Gabrielle's sister. I hadn't actually spoken to her much even though she and her mother entered the village several days before I did. They had both been busy with preparing the wedding and I had seen them walking around the village, ordering around the Amazons. I had actually been surprised that they had come at all, considering Herodetous had practically disowned Gabrielle when she told her family of her relationship with me. I was admiring Lila's sky blue dress when several people in the room gasped and I turned in my seat to see a Goddess standing before me.

_I smiled encouragingly to my sister as she straightened her dress nervously. She looked beautiful in the sky blue fabric that clung to her curves and reminded me of the colour of Xena's eyes. I took a deep breath as Lila turned away from me, and walked happily into the dining hall. I felt a hand rest on my shoulder and I almost burst into tears as I turned to face Eponin who was gazing back at me sadly. _

"_We could run," Eponin joked, though I could see the seriousness in her dark brown eyes. I smiled weakly, covering her hand with my own as I tried to get my breathing under control. My wedding dress felt so tight, as if was cutting off my oxygen and I resisted the urge to rip it to shreds. I peeked around the door and my eyes immediately found the dark hair I was unconsciously searching for. Xena sat towards the back of the room, with Alexandria by her side and the look on her face was breaking my heart. _

_She didn't want this. She didn't want this and neither did I._

Gabrielle entered the room with a radiant but uncertain smile on her face, holding a bunch of red roses in her gloved hands. She was truly a vision in her wedding dress, though I could see why she hadn't been completely happy with it. It was quite modest, covering her almost completely and not what I had pictured her to be wearing on her wedding day, but she still looked stunning. The dress was made of fine silk, with long sleeves that covered her muscular arms and flowed over the white silk gloves that she wore. Her hair had been slicked back from her face, with braids that were intertwined with feathers and beads. Her tanned skin glowed and her emerald green eyes were bright as they surveyed the room. She looked like a Queen as she started slowly walking down the aisle, and every eye in the room was locked on the beautiful woman.

With every step that she took, my heart broke a little more and when she was half way down the aisle, I was pleading with any God that would listen to strike me down with lightening. I looked down at my lap, tears glistening in my eyes as I listened to Gabrielle's soft footsteps. It wasn't until Alexandria squeezed my hand and the room went completely silent that I looked up.

_I felt anything but beautiful as I entered the dining hall, my eyes glancing around the room and making contact with several of my friends. I felt dirty as I stood there in my dress, my fingers gripping the roses in my hands as I tried to smile like I assumed a happy bride would. I got hundreds of smiles in return, and I straightened my shoulders as I started to walk down the aisle towards Miranda was looking down at me in awe. _

_I couldn't look at her so I let my eyes wander around the room, taking in the decorations. I sighed inwardly, looking down at the roses in my eyes, thinking that they should be daises. I hardly even realized that I had stopped walking as I stared at the flowers, gripping them so tightly that my hands were cramping. _

_They should be daises, and it should be almost sun set, and I shouldn't be wearing this ugly fucking dress._

_And it should be Xena waiting for me at the altar, not Miranda. _

Gabrielle had frozen mid step, her hands trembling as she looked up from her hands to the altar only a few steps away. I watched curiously, hoping against hope as the Amazon Queen glanced around the room before her eyes landed on her horrified consort. Everyone seemed to be holding their breath as Gabrielle's shoulders slumped, her hands falling limply to her sides, the roses forgotten.

"I- I'm so sorry, I just... I can't do this," the words were so softly spoken that I barely heard them, but my heart leaped into my throat as I watched Gabrielle turn away from the alter and her consort.

I swear my heart stopped as our eyes met and I wanted to run to her, to take her in my arms and leave this place, but before I knew it, she was running from the room. I watched her as she left, my mouth slightly agape before I turned to Alexandria who was looking back at me with a similar expression.

_When I looked up and my eyes finally met Miranda's, I knew that she knew. The look on her face was destroying me but I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. "I'm so sorry, I just, I can't do this."_

_I turned away from her, unable to watch as the tears welled up in her eyes. I hardly noticed when the roses slipped from my lifeless fingers as I searched for the one person that I wanted to see. Our eyes met across the room and I almost laughed out loud at the expression on her face. She was completely surprised as she looked up at me, as if she couldn't believe that I wasn't going to marry someone that I didn't love. But at the same time, I could see the love and the happiness shining in her eyes as she held my gaze. _

'_I'm yours,' I said with my eyes before I broke our stare and I noticed the rest of the room staring at me in silence. It was too much. I ran._

The room exploded into chaos but I hardly took any notice of it as I held Alexandria's gaze. The Gods had heard my prayers and Gabrielle hadn't gone through with the wedding, whether because of me or some other reason, I don't know. It didn't matter, I decided. Gabrielle didn't love Miranda, and she didn't want to marry her and that's all I cared about. If there was any chance for us, now was the time for me to grasp it with both hands. I wouldn't run away this time.

It only took a heartbeat and Alexandria and I were both on our feet, bright smiles on both of our faces. I glanced around the room, watching disinterestedly as Miranda threw a small temper tantrum at the altar. I wondered absently what Gabrielle ever saw in the Amazon; she didn't even really look like me.

"Come on," I heard Alexandria whisper into my ear as she pulled from the room. "We have things to do, Warrior Princess."

I could only smile as I followed my red headed friend from the room, having true hope in my heart for the first time since I entered the village. There was still a chance that it could still be me.

_It's always been you._


	15. Chapter 15

**It Should Be Me**

**Chapter Fourteen**

As I ran, all I could think was, _'I hate this fucking dress.'_

My mind was racing as my legs pumped underneath me, taking me in no particular direction. I just needed to get away. Away from the horrified eyes of my consort, away from the voices of my family and friends calling my name, away from the red roses that I despised. I wanted to rip this white silk dress from my overheated skin, but there was no time. I could hear footsteps behind me, chasing me until my feet took me out of the village gates. It's funny how I had been imagining this exact situation before I entered the dining hall to be married.

My chest and legs burned as I ran through the forest, feeling branches tug at my hair and dress. Before I knew it, I was stumbling into Xena's camp, having unconsciously run to the one place I felt safe. I ran to the place where the one person I wanted to find me could.

The tears finally came as I slumped down onto my ex-lover's bedroll. I couldn't tell if my tears were from how disgusted I was with myself, or from the huge amount of relief rolling through me at escaping what would have been a miserable life. They seemed never ending as I pulled my knees up against my chest, tugging at my dress as it got caught on a sharp rock. I laughed bitterly as the material ripped up the whole length of my thigh, exposing my tanned skin. I couldn't help but think that it improved it.

It felt as if I had only sat there from moments, listening to the faint calls of my name as the Amazon's searched for me. I looked up at the sky through tear filled eyes, shocked that the mid-morning sun had risen far above my head. I wondered if I should return to the village, if only to just talk to Miranda. I had done a horrible thing, leaving her at the altar without an explanation. Even though I knew we weren't fated for one another, I know that she deserved better, which is a part of the reason I had left in the first place. She deserved more than just a small piece of my heart. She deserved to be loved completely.

I felt my heart start to pound in my chest as I heard footsteps in the trees surrounding me. It was much too loud to be Xena and I wondered if Miranda had come to search for me herself. I couldn't find the courage to turn around as I listened to the crunching of leaves getting closer, until there was only silence and I could feel a presence behind me.

"I thought I might find you here."

I turned around in surprise to find midnight blue eyes twinkling back at me, and I smiled in relief as Alexandria walked towards me, a small grin on her face. "Hi."

"Hey," the red headed woman replied as she sat down on the bedroll besides me, wrapping her arms around her knees and turning her head towards me. "It took me a while to find you."

"I'm sorry," I apologized halfheartedly, feeling guilty that I had hoped that it would be Xena that would come looking for me. "I didn't know what to do. I just ran."

"Ran like the three headed dog from Tartarus was chasing you," Alexandria grinned, her eyes sparkling as I returned her smile. "I can't say I blame you. You should have seen Miranda once you left; tore the whole dining hall to shreds."

I winced, remembering the look in Miranda's eyes after I said I couldn't marry her. "Is she okay?"

"She'll be fine," Alexandria shrugged. "She left the village about a candlemark after you ran off. Took a couple of friends with her and decided to go on a long trip and didn't say when she would be back."

"Gods," I sighed, closing my eyes as I rubbed my temples with both hands, trying to relieve the pain started to throb in my skull. "I never planned for all of this."

"I don't think anyone saw this coming," Alexandria replied jokingly and I smiled at her attempt to lighten the conversation. "Especially your mother. Her eyes were as round as plates when you left. I thought they were going to fall right out of her head."

I groaned at the thought of my mother and what she would say to me when I returned to the village, though I couldn't help but let a small smile creep onto my face at her reaction. She hadn't been exactly happy when I sent her an invitation telling her I was marrying a woman. I could only imagine how she would feel now that I had run off. Probably a little relieved.

We sat there in silence for a while, both lost in our own thoughts and hardly noticing as the sun continued on its journey above us. I noted absent mindedly that in only a couple of candlemarks, the sun would set and this horrible day would end. To be honest, I couldn't wait.

"So," Alexandria broke the silence as she leant back on the bedroll, her eyes scanning the forest surrounding us. "Why did you decide to ditch out on your bride to be?"

I sighed softly as I picked up a small stick, tracing patterns in the dirt. I believed that Alexandria already knew why I hadn't gone through with the wedding, but I said the words anyway. "Because I don't want to marry Miranda. I never did want to marry her because I never really loved her, at least not how she wanted me to."

"You love Xena," It wasn't a question and we both knew it. I nodded and turned to face the red headed woman, feeling tears well up in my eyes as she gazed at me with understanding.

"I've always loved Xena," I said softly, not bothering to wipe the tears as they leaked from my eyes. "I love her so much. Gods, I've fucked everything up, haven't I?"

"Well, actually, I think you're on your way to fixing things, to be honest," Alexandria replied with a grin. I watched in confusion as the red headed woman pushed herself off of the ground and stood up, looking at the sky. "Hades, it's getting late."

"It's not that late," I said, frowning at my companion. "There's still another candlemark at least before the sun sets."

"I know, but we still have to get back to the village," Alexandria mused before turning towards me. She offered me her hand and I let her pull me off the bedroll as I stared at her in confusion.

"Why do we have to go back?" I asked, not really wanting to return to face the Amazons.

"Things to do," Alexandria said, her voice trailing off though I swear I heard her say something else under her breath. I shrugged to myself as I followed Alexandria from the campsite without an explanation and into the forest, dreading my return to the village. I wondered where Xena was and what she was thinking of me now, running out on my own wedding.

I wanted so badly to just take Xena to my hut and explain things to her. I wanted her to know the truth, that I couldn't stand the thought of marrying anyone but her. When I had started my walk down the aisle, it was her that I pictured standing before me. It was Xena that I imagined kissing me when the ceremony was over and Xena that I wanted to return to my hut with, every day for the rest of my life. She was my soul mate and I was determined to make sure she knew that before the night was over.

I hardly noticed as we left the forest and continued our journey to the village, following the dirt part that would leave us to the gates. I was slightly surprised when I looked up to find Eponin standing there, smiling brightly at me, with her hands behind her back.

"My Queen," Eponin nodded towards me respectfully. I nodded back as Alexandria turned towards me, her eyes wandering over my wedding dress with thoughtful eyes. I was too shocked to speak when her hands shot out and ripped the silk sleeves off, leaving my arms bare. I was still too stunned to move as she pulled a dagger from her waist, using it to slice the fabric on my chest expertly, until a good amount of my cleavage was showing.

"Much better, don't you think, Ep?" Alexandria said, tilting her head as she regarded me. She crossed her muscled arms over her chest, the small dagger still in her head as she turned her head to see the Amazon's reaction, ignoring my spluttering.

"Definitely," Eponin nodded with a grin. "I especially like the slit down the side."

"It was like that before I got to her," Alexandria replied with a rakish grin of her own. "I actually thought Xena had already found her before me."

"W- What? Why?" I finally managed to stutter as I gestured to my dress, which I had to admit now looked actually quite stunning. The dress had been beautiful before but now it looked exactly as I had dreamt it would when I pictured my wedding day.

"Xena's orders," Alexandria shrugged as she straightened her cloak. I noticed for the first time that she had changed since I saw her in the dining hall this morning. Instead of the Amazon leathers I had lent her, she was now wearing tight black leather pants, half covered by the black boots that went up to her knees. A black silk shirt was tucked into her pants, hardly visibly with the silver amour she wore that covered her chest and shoulders. The black cloak was attached to her shoulder plates and fell almost to the ground in length.

"What's going on?" I said slowly, looking between the two women who looked back at me with large smiles. Eponin was practically bouncing with excitement as she played with some mystery object behind her back while Alexandria looked more thrilled than I had ever seen her. I felt as if I was going to a party, rather than returning to the village to face the things I had done this morning.

"Well, you see, the cooks had this huge feast prepared for your wedding, and no one wanted it go to waste," Eponin started, a small grin pulling at her lips as she tried her best to look serious.

"And all these people came for a party, and we decided to give it to them," Alexandria continued as she tugged at the metal plates covering her chest. "So, I came up with this idea..."

"Yes?" I prompted as Alexandria trailed off, only to have a bunch of white daises shoved into my hands by Eponin. I looked down at the flowers in confusion, before understanding lit my emerald green orbs and I gripped the daises tightly in my hands, looking up at my friends. Tears swam in my eyes as I felt my chest tighten with excited nerves and I felt as if my knees were going to buckle before Alexandria took hold of my hand and placed it in the crook of her arm. She looked like a proud father, giving away his daughter on her wedding day as she stood besides me.

"I came up with the idea for you to get married to Xena, instead."


	16. Chapter 16

_Authors Note: Hey guys, this is the second to last real chapter of this story! The very last chapter will be sort of an epilogue. It makes me sad that this series is finally coming to a close, but I'm glad I'm finally giving you all the ending that you were hoping for._

_...Or am I?_

**It Should Be Me**

**Chapter Fifteen**

_"I came up with the idea for you to get married to Xena, instead."_

"What?" I whispered in disbelief, my voice barely audible as I gripped the crook of Alexandria's elbow tightly with my fingers. This had to be a joke, a cruel joke of Artemis to punish me for the shame I brought to the Amazons. The day had started off so horribly and I couldn't wrap my mind around the possibility of such an ending, one that I had hardly dared dream of over the past few years. My eyes drifted from Alexandria's midnight blue gaze and for the first time, I took in the view of the village from the gates and gasped.

The sky was just beginning to darken as the sun started to make its descent. From the village gates, there was a trail of red rose petals and I smirked as I realized where they had come from. _Well, I guess it was better to put them to use rather than just burning them, _I thought to myself. On either side of the small path were large torches, almost as tall as Alexandria, that were stuck into the ground and were illuminating the path that led to an unknown destination. Hanging outside the small huts in the village were lanterns, giving off a soft warm glow and there were white daises in bunches, scattered around the village.

I returned my gaze to Alexandria, my dreamy smile fading slowly as my expression became serious. "Does Xena know about all of this?"

"Well, I'd hope so," Alexandria grinned, her eyes twinkling. "It wasn't completely my idea, after all."

I felt tears well up in my eyes from the tenth time this day, though my misery had been replaced by overwhelming happiness. I felt as if I was stuck in a dream, one that I wished I would never wake up from. Xena had planned the perfect wedding, for us and I felt as if my heart would explode and I could die happily, though the fields would pale in comparison to this moment.

_I'm getting married. _

With a brilliant smile, I squeezed Alexandria's arm and let her lead me down the path and towards my happily ever after.

I could feel my heart pounding in my chest as I glanced around the small clearing I was standing in, taking in all the people that sat in their chairs watching me. I stood upon a small dais with the Amazon priestess standing behind me, a pleasant smile on her face that did nothing to calm my nerves. Lila stood across from me, attempting to give me an encouraging smile as I felt my chest tighten and my stomach twist.

The clearing was full of people, more than I expected to show up for this quickly thrown together wedding. I had been surprised when the Amazon's were so delighted at my idea, taking orders from Alexandria and I until the village looked perfect. The large area was surrounded by trees, their branches covered in hanging lanterns that lit up the area with help from several torches and a large bonfire behind the dais. The area behind me had been set up with benches and tables, covered in food and drink for the party after the ceremony.

That is if Gabrielle shows up, I thought to myself.

My hands were sweaty and my knees were shaking as I stood at the altar, awaiting the arrival of the Amazon Queen. I was beyond nervous and I wondered if Gabrielle was going to actually show up at all. For all I knew, Alexandria might not have been able to find her or Gabrielle might have said no and I could be waiting out here all night. I wouldn't be able to blame her, I reminded myself for the hundredth time. I had royally fucked up, more times than I could count. And this was a little sudden, considering that we had been apart for the past several years. Maybe Gabrielle didn't even want to get married at all anymore, then what? Gods, this was a stupid idea.

"She's not coming!" I finally said, throwing up my hands as I paced the small area, ignoring the amused looks of my friends and family. "She doesn't want to marry me. What in Hades was I thinking? Why would Gabrielle want to join with a burnt out shell of an ex warlord? Gods, you're stupid, Xena. Stupid."

"Calm down, Warrior Bride."

I looked up with hope in my eyes to find Alexandria strolling down the aisle, stepping lightly so she didn't crush the rose petals under her feet completely. She grinned widely at me as she stepped up onto the dais, to stand at my left side, casually straightening her shoulder armor that was similar to what I was wearing. "She's coming, Xena. It just took us a little while to convince her that this wasn't a joke, or a dream or that she'd died and gone to the Elysian fields."

My frown turned slowly into a smile that lit up my entire face. I closed my eyes and breathed a sigh of relief as Alexandria waved towards a group of Amazon's near the altar and they started the music, the soft tune calming me. I heard the sound of people turning in their chairs, their soft whispers and footsteps and when I opened my eyes, I felt as if my breath had been pulled from my chest.

"By the Gods," I whispered as I watched Gabrielle walk down the aisle towards me. She looked so different from this morning, and it wasn't the changes in her wedding dress. She looked positively radiant and it seemed as if the joy was seeping from her very skin in waves. Her steps weren't at all hesitant and her emerald green eyes didn't glance at the people watching her, or the decorations.

She looked deeply into my eyes and held my gaze with every step, her eyes shining brightly with all the love she had for me.

It seemed as if everything was going in slow motion as I watched her glide towards me. My nerves vanished with all of my doubts as she finally reached me and one of her hands left the daises she was holding and I took it as she stepped up onto the dais to stand beside me.

"You look so beautiful," I managed to whisper past the lump of emotion stuck in my throat, squeezing the hand that was resting in mine and feeling her respond in kind.

"I love you," she replied, her eyes welling with tears as she stared back at me. I lost myself in her emerald orbs and I hardly heard the Amazon priestess as she started to speak. All my attention was focused on the woman standing before me. I had never imagined that I could feel so much happiness and it made the moment even more perfect to see the same emotions reflected in Gabrielle's eyes.

"...With the blessing of the Goddess Artemis, I pronounce you joined, until death do you part. Xena, you may now kiss the bride," the priestess finally said with a smile that lit up her face.

"Wait."

Gabrielle's eyes widened with alarm at the sound of my voice, and I smiled reassuringly at her as I squeezed her hand. "There are still a few moments until the sun sets, and I have something I want to say." Looking into my soul mate's eyes, I took a deep breath.

"Gabrielle, my life didn't start until the day I met you I met you, in the clearing outside Potidaea. When my eyes met yours, it was the first time my heart truly beat. It was the first time my soul wasn't completely lost in darkness, because it finally found and recognized it's other half," I started softly, staring into Gabrielle's eyes and watching as several tears leaked from the edges as she squeezed my hand, encouraging me to continue. " You are my light, and my heart, my soul and my body will always be yours and yours alone, for as long as you will have me. I can't offer you anything of value but I will try every day to be everything that you need until my last breath leaves me. You have always been and always will be the best thing in my life and that will never change. I love you, Gabrielle." I finished with a lop sided grin that I only ever used for my love, now wife.

"I love you, Xena," Gabrielle whispered, her voice hoarse as silent tears streamed down her beautiful face. "You are my tree in the forest."

A brilliant smile lit up my face, one that she returned. As I leant down towards her, out of the corner of my eye, I saw the sun set below the horizon as I brushed my lips against hers and sealed our life together, to be forever intertwined with each other's.

I could hardly focus as I felt myself pushed back against the door of the Queen's hut, surprised at my wife's display of power as her lips pressed against mine and her hands pushed underneath the silk shirt I wore so she could stroke the skin underneath. After the ceremony had ended, the party had started and we had spent the better part of the night drinking and dancing until I felt positively giddy, not to mention aroused after Gabrielle slid her hand underneath our table and fondled me for the last candlemark before dragging me away to her hut, without a goodbye to any of our friends or family.

Though, I had caught Alexandria's gaze and her rakish grin from where she stood by the bonfire with my sleepy daughter in her arms as I was pulled away. The smug bitch, but Gods, did I love her.

We both knew that there were things we needed to talk about, but our need to reconnect was too overwhelming to ignore. We can talk tomorrow, I reassured myself as her tongue slipped into my mouth, dancing against my own. I moaned softly in protest as she pulled away slightly, her fingers swiftly gripping the fabric of my shirt and pulling it over my head. Our eyes met for a moment before her emerald orbs wandered over my naked chest, her eyes reflecting her desire before she nuzzled her face against my overheated skin.

"Gods, I love you so much," Gabrielle breathed into my neck as kissed the flesh beneath her soft lips, her eager hands caressing the sensitive skin below my breasts. I could still taste the Amazon wine that had lingered on her lips when she kissed me as I arched my body against her, impatient to feel her hands on me after wanting her touch for so long. I forced myself to breathe as I ran my hands up her silk covered back, feeling her muscles shift under my fingers. I didn't want to rush this, knowing now that I had the rest of my life.

I wanted to spend this time loving her, as I should have been for the past two and a half summers.

"Gabrielle," I smiled as I felt her lips brush against my neck, sending a pleasant shiver down my spine. I turned my head, capturing her lips in a slow passionate kiss as my hands started to untie the laces of her dress. I felt her hands slow on my skin, until her fingers were gently stroking me, almost soothingly as we lost ourselves in the kiss. Her dress fell in a puddle around her feet as I explored her mouth, her breeches following shortly after.

I wrapped one arm around her shoulders and leant down, never breaking the kiss as I wrapped my other arm under her knees and picked her up. I felt her smile against my lips as she wrapped her arms around my neck, her fingers tangling in my hair while I carried her to the bed before depositing her gently on the cool sheets. Her hands immediately went to the buckle of my belt as I kicked off my boots and then we were pressed against each other, skin on skin. I took a moment to just feel her, basking in the warmth of her smooth skin as her fingertips traced the scars on my back tenderly.

"By the Gods, you are beautiful," I murmured as I ran my hand lightly up her abdomen, watching the muscles flex underneath my fingers before I gently cupped her full breast. I stroked the pale nipple, watching as it hardened before leaning down and wrapping my lips around the firm flesh. Her whimper almost sent me over the edge as one of her legs slipped between mine, and I sucked harder as I felt her thigh press against my center.

I explored her body, my lips brushing against every one of her most sensitive spots as she tangled her fingers in my dark hair, her eyes following my every move. Her green eyes were full of passion and love as I crawled up her body, lightly nipping the skin between her breasts before I covered her lips with my own. I rested my weight on one arm as I kissed her, my free hand running down her body until it was pressed against her pussy.

The amount of wetness between her legs sent lightening through every nerve in my body, setting me on fire as I rubbed my hand lightly over her, dipping my fingers in to circle her throbbing clit.

"Oh fuck!" Gabrielle gasped as hips bucked; pressing herself against my hand harder and I gave in, running my fingers through her wetness before slowly pushing two fingers inside of her. She moaned loudly as I pushed in deeply, reveling in the velvety tightness around my digits. I started a slow rhythm, pressing harder inside of her with every thrust, but ignoring her pleas as she begged me to go faster.

"Gods, please, Xena, more," she whimpered, thrusting her hips in an attempt to impale herself harder on my fingers. "I need you. I need you so much, please."

I gave us what we both wanted, pushing harder inside of her with every thrust, adding another finger as I felt her body start to shake. I rubbed my thumb over her throbbing clit as I sped up the pace, moaning as she whimpered into my ear. My own body was screaming, fire crawling along my skin as I ground myself against her powerful thigh in sync with every push of my fingers. Her fingernails scraped along the skin of my abdomen before reaching my breasts, her fingers pinching my nipples hard and causing the heat between my thighs to grow. I cried out as I buried my face in her neck and her scent almost made me dizzy with desire as I continued to drive my fingers inside of her.

I couldn't begin to describe how good it felt to be inside of her again after wanting her for so long. It felt as if a piece of my soul was being returned to me as I felt her sweaty skin slide against mine. Her hands tangled in my hand as her cries escalated and I covered her lips and I started to thrust inside of her feverishly, feeling her hips rise to meet me. The feeling of her tightening around my fingers as she came pushed me over the edge with her and I screamed into her mouth as I continued to pound inside of her, drawing out her intense orgasm as my hips jerked against her trembling thigh.

I finally collapsed on top of her when the lights started to fade from behind my closed eyelids, slowly removing my fingers from her depths when her body stopped shaking and wrapped my arms around her tightly. I listened to her heart beat pound underneath my ear, feeling my own beat in sync as she ran her fingers through my hair with a contented sigh.

"I love you, Xena," I heard her soft voice before her heart beat slowed and her breathing deepened. I smiled as I rolled us over, pulling her on top of me and pressing my lips against her pale head.

"I love you too, Gabrielle, always," I replied as I felt my eyes drift shut. "And I promise that I will be here when you wake up in the morning, and every day after that."

_Authors Note: Well, I hope that's how you wanted it to end. Otherwise, bad luck guys. On to the epilogue next!_


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